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“Christ and the Church: The Marriage Standard”· Ephesians 5:22–33
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Public-domain commentary
Matthew Henry
From his Commentary on the Whole Bible. Henry comments on passages, not single verses — this entry covers Ephesians 5:21–33.
Passage under commentEphesians 5:21–33
21¶ Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and stations that God has allotted to us in the world. In the fear of God, that is, so far as is consistent with the fear of God, for his sake, and out of conscience towards him, and that hereby we may give proof that we truly fear him. Where there is this mutual condescension and submission, the duties of all relations will be the better performed. From Eph 5:22 to the end he speaks of the duties of husbands and wives; and he speaks of these in a Christian manner, setting the church as an example of the wife's subjection, and Christ as an example of love in husbands.
I.The duty prescribed to wives is submission to their husbands in the Lord (Eph 5:22), which submission includes the honouring and obeying of them, and that from a principle of love to them. They must do this in compliance with God's authority, who has commanded it, which is doing it as unto the Lord; or it may be understood by way of similitude and likeness, so that the sense may be, "as, being devoted to God, you submit yourselves unto him." From the former sense we may learn that by a conscientious discharge of the duties we owe to our fellow-creatures we obey and please God himself; and, from the latter, that God not only requires and insists on those duties which immediately respect himself, but such as respect our neighbours too. The apostle assigns the reason of this submission from wives: For the husband is the head of the wife, Eph 5:23. The metaphor is taken from the head in the natural body, which, being the seat of reason, of wisdom, and of knowledge, and the fountain of sense and motion, is more excellent than the rest of the body. God has given the man the pre-eminence and a right to direct and govern by creation, and in that original law of the relation, Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Whatever there is of uneasiness in this, it is an effect of sin coming into the world. Generally, too, the man has (what he ought to have) a superiority in wisdom and knowledge. He is therefore the head, even as Christ is the head of the church. There is a resemblance of Christ's authority over the church in that superiority and headship which God has appointed to the husband. The apostle adds, and he is the Saviour of the body. Christ's authority is exercised over the church for the saving of her from evil, and the supplying of her with every thing good for her. In like manner should the husband be employed for the protection and comfort of his spouse; and therefore she should the more cheerfully submit herself unto him. So it follows, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ (Eph 5:24), with cheerfulness, with fidelity, with humility, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing - in every thing to which their authority justly extends itself, in every thing lawful and consistent with duty to God.
II.The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (Eph 5:25); for without this they would abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church's subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ's love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (Eph 5:26) - that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., Eph 5:27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews' extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller's hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself - that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter. - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., Eph 5:28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, Eph 5:29 - (no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, Eph 5:30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church - because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ. - For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen 2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. - And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, Eph 5:32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.
After this, the apostle concludes this part of his discourse with a brief summary of the duty of husbands and wives, Eph 5:33. "Nevertheless (though there be such a secret mystical sense, yet the plain literal sense concerns you) let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, with such a sincere, peculiar, singular, and prevailing affection as that is which he bears to himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband." Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation.
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Historical interpretation
Nineteen Centuries of Reception
5 surviving comments on this verse. Each one is dated, so this reads as a timeline rather than a list.
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It behoves you also, therefore, as "a peculiar people, and a holy nation," to perform all things with harmony in Christ. Wives, be ye subject to your husbands in the fear of God; and ye virgins, to Christ in purity.
Now, when I find to what God belong these precepts, whether in their germ or their development, I have no difficulty in knowing to whom the apostle also belongs. But he declares that "wives ought to be in subjection to their husbands: " what reason does he give for this? "Because," says he, "the husband is the head of the wife.
A Certain wise man, setting down a number of things in the rank of blessings, set down this also in the rank of a blessing, "A wife agreeing with her husband." And elsewhere again he sets it down among blessings, that a woman should dwell in harmony with her husband. And indeed from the beginning, God appears to have made special provision for this union; and discoursing of the twain as one, He said thus, "Male and female created He them"; and again, "There is neither male nor female." For there is no relationship between man and man so close as that between man and wife, if they be joined together as they should be.
For great evils are hence produced, and great benefits, both to families and to states. For there is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife. For this many will lay aside even their arms, for this they will give up life itself. And Paul would never without a reason and without an object have spent so much pains on this subject, as when he says here, "Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." And why so? Because when they are in harmony, the children are well brought up, and the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, and friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down, and thrown into confusion.
Yet how strange! for how then is it, that it is said elsewhere, "If one bid not farewell both to wife and to husband, he cannot follow me"? For if it is their duty to be in subjection "as unto the Lord," how saith He that they must depart from them for the Lord's sake? Yet their duty indeed it is, their bounden duty. But the word "as" is not necessarily and universally expressive of exact equality. He either means this, "'as' knowing that ye are servants to the Lord"; (which, by the way, is what he says elsewhere, that, even though they do it not for the husband's sake, yet must they primarily for the Lord's sake;) or else he means, "when thou obeyest thy husband, do so as serving the Lord." For if he who resisteth these external authorities, those of governments, I mean, "withstandeth the ordinance of God", much more does she who submits not herself to her husband. Such was God's will from the beginning.
Let us take as our fundamental position then that the husband occupies the place of the "head," and the wife the place of the "body."
The union of Christ and the church is holy. So is the proper union of husband and wife holy. Just as a congregation of heretics, however, cannot rightly be called the church of Christ and cannot have Christ as its head, so it is that a union between husband and wife cannot be truly called holy if there is a disregard for the way of life taught by Christ.
Something else, even more unpopular, remains to be dealt with. Christian wives promise to obey their husbands. In Christian marriage the man is said to be the 'head'. Two questions obviously arise here. (1) Why should there be a head at all - why not equality? (2) Why should it be the man?
(1) The need for some head follows from the idea that marriage is permanent. Of course, as long as the husband and wife are agreed, no question of a head need arise; and we may hope that this will be the normal state of affairs in a Christian marriage. But when there is a real disagreement, what is to happen? Talk it over, of course; but I am assuming they have done that and still failed to reach agreement. What do they do next? They cannot decide by a majority vote, for in a council of two there can be no majority. Surely, only one or other of two things can happen: either they must separate and go their own ways or else one or other of them must have a casting vote. If marriage is permanent, one or other party must, in the last resort, have the power of deciding the family policy. You cannot have a permanent associated without a constitution.
(2) If there must be a head, why the man? Well, firstly is there any very serious wish that it should be the woman? As I have said, I am not married myself, but as far as I can see, even a woman who wants to be the head of her own house does not usually admire the same state of things when she finds it going on next door. She is much more likely to say 'Poor Mr X! Why he allows that appaling woman to boss him about the way she does is more than I can imagine.' I do not think she is even very flattered if anyone mentions the fact of her own 'headship'. There must be something unnatural about the rule of wives over husbands, because the wives themselves are half ashamed of it and despise the husbands whom they rule.
Source: Quotations drawn from early Church Fathers and historical Christian theologians (AD 100–1500). Some quotes address the surrounding passage context rather than this verse alone.
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Summary
Ephesians 5:22 is a pivotal verse within Paul's instructions on Christian household relationships, specifically addressing wives' submission to their husbands. This command is presented not as a cultural imposition of inferiority, but as an integral aspect of Spirit-filled living that began in the preceding verses, framing marital order within the ultimate allegiance and devotion to Christ. It lays the groundwork for a profound theological analogy between the marriage relationship and the relationship between Christ and His Church, emphasizing complementary roles designed for mutual flourishing and a unified witness.
Context
Literary Context
Ephesians 5:22 is situated within a broader section of Paul's letter (Ephesians 4:1-6:20) that transitions from theological exposition to practical Christian living. Specifically, it is part of the "household code" (often referred to as Haustafeln), which begins in Ephesians 5:21 with the overarching principle for all believers: "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." This foundational command of mutual submission sets the tone for the specific instructions that follow for wives, husbands, children, and slaves. Therefore, the command to wives in Ephesians 5:22 is not an isolated directive but a particular application of the general principle of humility and deference within the Christian community, all rooted in reverence for Christ. The subsequent verses, particularly Ephesians 5:25-33, provide the crucial counterbalance, detailing the husband's sacrificial love and headship, ensuring a holistic understanding of Paul's marital theology.
Historical & Cultural Context
First-century Greco-Roman society operated under a patriarchal structure where the paterfamilias (male head of the household) held significant authority over his wife, children, and slaves. Household codes were common literary forms of the era, prescribing societal roles and duties within the family unit. Paul's approach in Ephesians, while utilizing this familiar literary structure, radically redefines it through Christian principles. Unlike pagan household codes that often emphasized the husband's absolute authority and the wife's subservience based on her perceived inferiority, Paul introduces the radical concepts of mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21) and the husband's self-sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25). This infusion of Christ-like love and Spirit-filled humility transforms a potentially oppressive social structure into a framework for sanctification and spiritual growth, challenging the prevailing cultural norms by elevating the dignity and spiritual equality of all believers within their respective roles.
Key Themes
The overarching theme in Ephesians 5 is "Spirit-filled living," which manifests in various aspects of a believer's life, including marriage. For wives, the theme of submission is central, but it is fundamentally qualified by the phrase "as unto the Lord," transforming it from a secular command into a spiritual act of worship and obedience. This highlights the theme of Christ-centered relationships, where the ultimate allegiance is to Christ, and all human relationships are to reflect His character and redemptive work. Furthermore, the passage introduces the theme of complementary roles within marriage, where headship and submission are not about superiority or inferiority, but about distinct functions that contribute to unity, order, and the flourishing of the family. This dynamic is presented as a profound mystery that mirrors the relationship between Christ and His Church, underscoring the spiritual significance of the marital bond as a living illustration of divine truth, as further elaborated in Ephesians 5:32.
Exposition and Analysis
Key Word Analysis
This term (G1135) refers specifically to a woman, and in this context, particularly a wife. Paul addresses married women directly, indicating that this instruction is not a general command for all women, but a specific directive for those in the marital covenant. The direct address underscores the personal responsibility of each wife within her marriage.
This word (G5293) is a compound of hypo (under) and tassō (to arrange, to order). It literally means "to place under" or "to arrange under." While it can carry military connotations of subordination, in the New Testament, especially when used reflexively (as here, "submit yourselves"), it often denotes a voluntary act of yielding, cooperation, and deference to an appointed order. It implies a willing alignment with a designated structure, not forced subservience or a loss of personal dignity. The emphasis is on a conscious choice to cooperate and respect a God-ordained relational dynamic.
This term (G2962) signifies supreme authority and mastery. In the New Testament, it is overwhelmingly used to refer to Jesus Christ. The phrase "as unto the Lord" is the critical qualifier for the wife's submission. It means that her submission is not absolute to her husband, but is an act performed for the Lord, as if to the Lord, and because of her ultimate allegiance to the Lord. This divine standard elevates the act of submission, making it an expression of faith and obedience to Christ Himself, thereby limiting its scope to what is consistent with Christ's will and character.
Verse Breakdown
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands"
This clause directly addresses married women, instructing them to willingly place themselves under the leadership and care of their particular husband. The inclusion of "your own" (G2398, ídios) emphasizes the personal and exclusive nature of this relationship, distinguishing it from general societal submission and highlighting the unique covenant bond. This submission is a voluntary act of deference and cooperation within the marital framework.
"as unto the Lord"
This crucial phrase defines the nature, motive, and limit of the wife's submission. It signifies that her submission is not merely to a human being, but is an act performed in the presence of God, with God as the ultimate recipient of her obedience. It means her submission should mirror the church's submission to Christ—willing, loving, and in recognition of His authority and love. This phrase simultaneously elevates the act of submission to a spiritual discipline and sets its boundaries, implying that submission to a husband can never contradict or supersede a wife's ultimate obedience to Christ.
Literary Devices
Paul employs several significant literary devices in Ephesians 5:22. The most prominent is Analogy, where the relationship between a wife and her husband is directly compared to the relationship between the Church and Christ. The phrase "as unto the Lord" establishes this profound comparison, transforming a human relationship into a living parable of divine truth. This also functions as a Qualified Imperative, as the command to submit is not absolute but is conditioned and defined by the ultimate allegiance to Christ. The Direct Address ("Wives") makes the instruction personal and specific, ensuring clarity regarding the intended audience. Furthermore, there is an inherent Theological Symbolism in the marital relationship, as it is presented as a representation of the greater spiritual reality of Christ's headship over the Church.
Theological and Thematic Connections
Ephesians 5:22, when understood within its full context, presents a profound theological vision for marriage that transcends mere social roles. It roots the wife's submission not in inferiority, but in a Spirit-filled response to God's created order and, more importantly, in her devotion to Christ. This submission is a theological act, mirroring the Church's willing and loving submission to Christ, who is its Head and Savior. It is a participation in the divine pattern of relationship, where order and love coexist. This understanding prevents the command from being misused for oppression, as it is always bounded by the wife's ultimate allegiance to Christ and the husband's reciprocal call to self-sacrificial love, as Christ loved the Church. The goal is not hierarchy for its own sake, but a harmonious unity that reflects the Trinity and the redemptive work of Christ.
Reflection and Application
Ephesians 5:22 calls Christian wives to a profound and counter-cultural act of willing submission within their marriages, not as a sign of weakness or inferiority, but as a demonstration of their ultimate devotion to Christ. This submission is an active, Spirit-empowered choice to respect, support, and align with their husband's leadership, knowing that in doing so, they are honoring God. It is not about blind obedience or surrendering one's identity, but about fostering unity, order, and a Christ-centered atmosphere in the home. This passage challenges wives to consider how their actions and attitudes reflect their reverence for Christ, inviting them to trust God's design for complementary roles. When both husband and wife embrace their God-given responsibilities—the wife in respectful submission and the husband in sacrificial love—the marriage becomes a powerful testimony to the gospel, a place of mutual flourishing, and a beacon of God's grace in the world.
Questions for Reflection
FAQ
Does "submit yourselves" mean a wife has no voice or opinion in the marriage?
No, biblical submission does not imply silence or the suppression of a wife's voice, intellect, or opinions. The Greek word hypotássō (G5293) denotes a voluntary alignment, cooperation, and respect for an appointed order, not forced subservience or a lack of personal agency. In a healthy Christian marriage, a wife's wisdom, insights, and concerns are highly valued and sought after by her husband. Paul's instruction is given within the broader context of Ephesians 5:21, which calls for "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." This mutual submission means both partners are to defer to one another out of reverence for Christ. A wife's submission is about recognizing and honoring her husband's leadership role, not about becoming a doormat. It is a posture of humility and cooperation that fosters unity, allowing the husband to lead responsibly and lovingly, as outlined in Ephesians 5:25.
Christ-Centered Fulfillment
Ephesians 5:22 finds its ultimate meaning and power in Christ. The command for wives to submit "as unto the Lord" is not merely a moral imperative but a profound theological truth rooted in the gospel. Just as the Church, the bride of Christ, willingly submits to her Head, Jesus Christ, in loving obedience and trust, so too is the wife called to reflect this divine pattern in her marriage. Christ Himself exemplified perfect submission to the Father's will, even to the point of death on the cross (Philippians 2:5-8). His headship over the Church is not tyrannical but characterized by sacrificial love, protection, and sanctification (Ephesians 5:25-27). Therefore, a wife's submission is empowered by the Holy Spirit and motivated by her devotion to Christ, making it an act of worship that participates in the greater mystery of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:32). This Christ-centered perspective elevates marriage from a mere social contract to a sacred covenant, enabling the wife to live out her calling with grace, strength, and joy, knowing that her actions reflect the glorious relationship between the Savior and His redeemed people.