Colossians 3:19

Colossians 3:19 (KJV) provides a direct and powerful instruction for husbands within the context of Christian family life: "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." This verse is foundational for understanding the biblical call to marital responsibility and harmony.

Context

This verse is part of Paul's extensive practical exhortations in the latter half of his letter to the Colossians. After laying a deep theological foundation concerning the supremacy of Christ and the believer's new identity "in Christ" (Colossians 3:1), Paul transitions to how this new life should be lived out. He outlines specific duties for various relationships within the household, often referred to as a "household code" (Colossians 3:18-4:1). This instruction to husbands follows a directive to wives (Colossians 3:18), establishing a reciprocal framework for Christian conduct in the home, which stood in stark contrast to the often patriarchal and oppressive norms of the Greco-Roman world of that time.

Key Themes

• Unconditional Love (Agape): The primary command for husbands is to "love your wives." This is not merely an emotional feeling but a volitional, sacrificial, and active commitment. It reflects the same kind of love that Christ has for the church.
• Avoidance of Bitterness: The negative command, "be not bitter against them," serves as a crucial counterpoint. Bitterness (Greek: pikraino) implies harshness, resentment, exasperation, or being severely displeased. It can manifest as harsh words, coldness, neglect, or a critical spirit that erodes the marital bond.
• Marital Harmony: By commanding active love and prohibiting bitterness, Paul promotes a relationship characterized by grace, patience, and mutual respect, fostering a peaceful and godly home environment that honors Christ.

Linguistic Insights

The Greek word for "love" here is agapao, the verb form of agape. This term denotes a selfless, unconditional, and deliberate choice to seek the highest good of the other person, regardless of their actions or perceived worthiness. It is a love that gives, serves, and endures. In contrast, the word "bitter" comes from pikraino, meaning to make bitter, to exasperate, or to treat harshly. It describes a state of mind or action that is sour, resentful, or severe, directly opposing the nature of agape love.

Practical Application

For husbands today, Colossians 3:19 is a timeless directive. It calls for:

• Active, Intentional Love: Love is an action, not just a feeling. It requires husbands to consistently prioritize their wives' well-being, spiritual growth, and emotional needs. This involves listening, supporting, forgiving, and cherishing.
• Self-Examination and Repentance: The command to "be not bitter" challenges husbands to examine their hearts for any resentment, unforgiveness, or harshness. It encourages husbands to address these issues promptly, seeking reconciliation and practicing forgiveness, just as Colossians 3:13 instructs believers to forgive one another.
• Building Up, Not Tearing Down: A husband's words and actions should build up his wife, affirming her value and dignity, rather than tearing her down through criticism or neglect. This creates a secure and loving atmosphere for the entire family.

This verse underscores that a healthy, Christ-centered marriage requires ongoing effort, rooted in selfless love and the active rejection of anything that would poison the relationship, reflecting the new life believers have in Christ.