TRV
See on the biblical-era map
Study This Verse
Public-domain commentary
Matthew Henry
From his Commentary on the Whole Bible. Henry comments on passages, not single verses — this entry covers Colossians 3:18–25.
The apostle concludes the chapter with exhortations to relative duties, as before in the epistle to the Ephesians. The epistles which are most taken up in displaying the glory of divine grace, and magnifying the Lord Jesus, are the most particular and distinct in pressing the duties of the several relations. We must never separate the privileges and duties of the gospel religion.
I.He begins with the duties of wives and husbands (Col 3:18):
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Submission is the duty of wives, hupotassesthe. It is the same word which is used to express our duty to magistrates (Rom 13:1, Let every soul be subject to the higher powers), and is expressed by subjection and reverence, Eph 5:24, Eph 5:33. The reason is that Adam was first formed, then Eve: and Adam was not deceived, but the woman, being deceived, was in the transgression, Ti1 2:13, Ti1 2:14. He was first in the creation and last in the transgression. The head of the woman is the man; and the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man; neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man, Co1 11:3, Co1 11:8, Co1 11:9. It is agreeable to the order of nature and the reason of things, as well as the appointment and will of God. But then it is submission, not to a rigorous lord or absolute tyrant, who may do his will and is without restraints, but to a husband, and to her own husband, who stands in the nearest relation, and is under strict engagements to proper duty too. And this is fit in the Lord, it is becoming the relation, and what they are bound in duty to do, as an instance of obedience to the authority and law of Christ. On the other hand, husbands must love their wives, and not be bitter against them, Col 3:19. They must love them with tender and faithful affection, as Christ loved the church, and as their own bodies, and even as themselves (Eph 5:25, Eph 5:28, Eph 5:33), with a love peculiar to the nearest relation and the greatest comfort and blessing of life. And they must not be bitter against them, not use them unkindly, with harsh language or severe treatment, but be kind and obliging to them in all things; for the woman was made for the man, neither is the man without the woman, and the man also is by the woman, Co1 11:9, Co1 11:11, Co1 11:12.
II.The duties of children and parents:
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord, Col 3:20. They must be willing to do all their lawful commands, and be at their direction and disposal; as those who have a natural right and are fitter to direct them than themselves. The apostle (Eph 6:2) requires them to honour as well as obey their parents; they must esteem them and think honourably of them, as the obedience of their lives must proceed from the esteem and opinion of their minds. And this is well-pleasing to God, or acceptable to him; for it is the first commandment with promise (Eph 6:2), with an explicit promise annexed to it, namely, That it shall be well with them, and they shall live long on the earth. Dutiful children are the most likely to prosper in the world and enjoy long life. And parents must be tender, as well as children obedient (Col 3:21): "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Let not your authority over them be exercised with rigour and severity, but with kindness and gentleness, lest you raise their passions and discourage them in their duty, and by holding the reins too tight make them fly out with greater fierceness." The bad temper and example of imprudent parents often prove a great hindrance to their children and a stumbling-block in their way; see Eph 6:4. And it is by the tenderness of parents, and dutifulness of children, that God ordinarily furnishes his church with a seed to serve him, and propagates religion from age to age.
III.Servants and masters:
Servants, obey your masters in all things according to the flesh, Col 3:22. Servants must do the duty of the relation in which they stand, and obey their master's commands in all things which are consistent with their duty to God their heavenly Master. Not with eye-service, as men-pleasers - not only when their master's eye is upon them, but when they are from under their master's eye. They must be both just and diligent. In singleness of heart, fearing God - without selfish designs, or hypocrisy and disguise, as those who fear God and stand in awe of him. Observe, The fear of God ruling in the heart will make people good in every relation. Servants who fear God will be just and faithful when they are from under their master's eye, because they know they are under the eye of God. See Gen 20:11, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place. Neh 5:15, But so did not I, because of the fear of God. "And whatsoever you do, do it heartily (Col 3:23), with diligence, not idly and slothfully:" or, "Do it cheerfully, not discontented at the providence of God which put you in that relation." - As to the Lord, and not as to men. It sanctifies a servant's work when it is done as unto God - with an eye to his glory and in obedience to his command, and not merely as unto men, or with regard to them only. Observe, We are really doing our duty to God when we are faithful in our duty to men. And, for servants' encouragement, let them know that a good and faithful servant is never the further from heaven for his being a servant: "Knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ, Col 3:24. Serving your masters according to the command of Christ, you serve Christ, and he will be your paymaster: you will have a glorious reward at last. Though you are now servants, you will receive the inheritance of sons. But, on the other hand, He who does wrong will receive for the wrong which he has done," Col 3:25. There is a righteous God, who, if servants wrong their masters, will reckon with them for it, though they may conceal it from their master's notice. And he will be sure to punish the unjust as well as reward the faithful servant: and so if masters wrong their servants. - And there is no respect of persons with him. The righteous Judge of the earth will be impartial, and carry it with an equal hand towards the master and servant; not swayed by any regard to men's outward circumstances and condition of life. The one and the other will stand upon a level at his tribunal.
It is probable that the apostle has a particular respect, in all these instances of duty, to the case mentioned 1 Cor. 7 of relations of a different religion, as a Christian and heathen, a Jewish convert and an uncircumcised Gentile, where there was room to doubt whether they were bound to fulfil the proper duties of their several relations to such persons. And, if it hold in such cases, it is much stronger upon Christians one towards another, and where both are of the same religion. And how happy would the gospel religion make the world, if it every where prevailed; and how much would it influence every state of things and every relation of life!
Historical interpretation
Two Centuries of Reception
3 surviving comments on this verse. Each one is dated, so this reads as a timeline rather than a list.
Select a marker to jump to its quote. Markers stagger vertically where authors wrote within a few decades of each other.
We have here the message of the Scriptures which declares: “Children, love your fathers; parents, do not provoke your children to anger.” Nature has implanted in beasts the instinct to love their own brood and hold dear their own progeny. But the beasts know nothing of relationsinlaw. Here, parents do not become estranged from their offspring by the act of changing their mates. They know nothing of preferences given to children of a later union to the neglect of those of a former marriage. They are conscious of the value of their pledges and are unacquainted with distinctions in respect to love, to incentives due to hate and to discriminations in acts that involve wrongdoing. Wild creatures have a nature that is simple and one which has no concern in the perversion of truth. And so the Lord has ordained that those creatures to whom he has bestowed a minimum of reason are endowed with the maximum of feeling.
Lo! again here also is subjection and love. And he said not, "Love your children," for it had been superfluous, seeing that nature itself constraineth to this; but what needed correction he corrected; that the love should in this case also be the more vehement, because that the obedience is greater. For it nowhere lays down as an exemplification the relation of husband and wife; but what? hear the prophet saying, "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitied them that fear Him" (Ps. ciii. 13, Sept.) And again Christ saith, "What man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?" (Matt. vii. 9.)
He hath set down what he knew had the greatest power to seize upon them; and whilst commanding them he has spoken more like a friend; and nowhere does he mention God, for he would overcome parents, and bow their tender affections. That is, "Make them not more contentious, there are occasions when you ought even to give way."
Subjects are to be admonished in one way, superiors in another, but the former in such a way that subjection may not crush them; the latter, that their exalted position may not lift them up; the former; that they should not do less than is ordered; the latter, that they should not command more than is just; the former, that they submit with humility; the latter, that they be moderate in the exercise of their superiority. For it is said to the former, and this can be understood figuratively: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” But superiors are commanded: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” Let the former learn to order their interior dispositions before the eyes of the hidden Judge; the others, how to set outwardly the example of a good life to those committed to them.
Continue studying Colossians 3:21 across the web’s major study libraries — every link below opens this exact verse, chapter, or book on the destination site.
Read & Compare
BibleGatewayThis verse in more than 200 translations and 70 languages.
Bible.comThe YouVersion reader — hundreds of translations, reading plans, and highlights.
ESV.orgCrossway's official English Standard Version reader.
NET BibleThe NET translation with 60,000+ translators' notes on every rendering decision.
STEP BibleTyndale House's free study tool — original text, vocabulary, and scholarly resources.
BibliaLogos Bible Software's free web reader.
USCCBThe New American Bible (Revised Edition) with the U.S. bishops' study notes.
Commentaries
BibleHub CommentariesDozens of classic commentaries on this verse, gathered on one page.
StudyLightMore than 100 commentary sets — the largest collection on the web.
BibleRefPlain-English commentary on what this verse means, verse by verse.
Enduring WordDavid Guzik's free commentary on this chapter, widely used by Bible teachers.
Bible Study ToolsVerse commentary alongside Greek and Hebrew study aids.
Original Language & Research
- BibleHub InterlinearThe verse word by word — original language, transliteration, and English.
- BibleHub LexiconEvery word's original-language definition and Strong's entry.
Blue Letter BibleDeep-study tools — Strong's numbers, concordance, and word studies.
CNTR CollationThe earliest Greek manuscripts of this verse, collated letter by letter.
Sermons, Hymns & Audio
TrulyRandomVerse is not affiliated with these sites and doesn’t control their content. They’re linked because they’re genuinely useful.
Summary
Colossians 3:21 issues a profound pastoral directive to fathers, urging them not to exasperate their children, lest such actions lead to discouragement and a loss of spirit. This verse, situated within Paul's broader instructions on Christian household conduct, underscores the critical responsibility of parental authority to be exercised with wisdom, gentleness, and love, fostering an environment where children can flourish emotionally and spiritually rather than being broken down.
Context
Literary Context
Colossians 3:21 is a pivotal verse within Paul's practical exhortations that follow his profound theological exposition on Christ's supremacy and the believer's new identity in Him. After establishing the believer's union with Christ and the call to "put on the new self" (Colossians 3:10), Paul transitions from general ethical principles (like putting away vices and cultivating virtues in Colossians 3:5-17) to specific instructions for various household relationships. This section, often referred to as a "household code," begins with wives and husbands (Colossians 3:18-19), then moves to children and parents (Colossians 3:20-21), and concludes with slaves and masters (Colossians 3:22-25). The immediate preceding verse, Colossians 3:20, commands children to obey their parents "in everything," making Colossians 3:21 a crucial counterbalance, ensuring that parental authority is exercised in a manner that promotes, rather than hinders, the child's well-being and spiritual growth.
Historical & Cultural Context
In the Greco-Roman world of the first century, patriarchal structures were deeply ingrained. The father (paterfamilias) held immense legal and social authority over his household, including his wife, children, and slaves, often possessing the power of life and death. Children were expected to show absolute obedience and reverence. Paul's instruction, "Fathers, provoke not your children," while seemingly simple, was revolutionary in this context. It placed a significant ethical restraint on the father's absolute authority, introducing a concept of parental responsibility that transcended mere control. This counter-cultural directive challenged the prevailing norms by emphasizing the child's emotional and spiritual welfare, suggesting that even within a hierarchical structure, love, wisdom, and restraint must govern the exercise of power. The Colossian church, a mixed community of Jewish and Gentile believers, would have understood these household dynamics, making Paul's nuanced guidance particularly impactful for shaping Christian family life distinct from the surrounding pagan society.
Key Themes
This verse contributes significantly to several key themes within Colossians and Pauline theology. It reinforces the theme of Christian Conduct and Ethics, demonstrating how the new life in Christ (Colossians 3:1-4) is to be practically lived out in everyday relationships, starting with the family. It highlights Mutual Submission and Responsibility, even within hierarchical structures, as seen in the reciprocal duties outlined in the household code. While children are to obey, parents are also given a specific command regarding their treatment of children. Crucially, it speaks to the theme of Nurturing and Spiritual Formation, emphasizing that parental actions have a profound impact on a child's spirit and their capacity for faith. The warning against "discouragement" points to the importance of fostering a positive environment for spiritual and emotional growth, aligning with the broader call to live a life worthy of the Lord (Colossians 1:10).
Exposition and Analysis
Key Word Analysis
This term refers to male parents, but in the patriarchal context of the ancient world, it also signifies the head of the household who held significant authority and responsibility. Paul's direct address to fathers underscores their primary role in shaping the home environment and the spiritual well-being of their children.
This verb means "to stimulate," "to irritate," or "to exasperate," especially to anger. It implies actions or attitudes that stir up resentment, frustration, or wrath in another. In this context, it warns against parental behaviors—such as unreasonable demands, harsh criticism, unfairness, favoritism, or a lack of affirmation—that consistently agitate or embitter a child.
Derived from a compound meaning "without spirit" or "heartless," this word signifies "to be disheartened," "to lose heart," or "to become dispirited." It describes a state of dejection, apathy, or a loss of courage and motivation. When children are continually provoked, they can become disheartened, leading to a loss of self-esteem, a diminished desire to please, or even a turning away from parental guidance and faith.
Verse Breakdown
"Fathers, provoke not your children"
This is a direct command, an imperative negative, addressed specifically to fathers. It prohibits actions, words, or attitudes that would needlessly irritate, anger, or exasperate children. The implication is that fathers, due to their position of authority, have a unique capacity to either build up or tear down their children's spirits. This provocation can manifest in various forms, from overly harsh discipline and constant criticism to favoritism, unreasonable expectations, or a lack of affection and affirmation.
"lest they be discouraged"
This clause presents the negative consequence of such provocation. The Greek word for "discouraged" (athyméō) suggests a state of losing heart, spirit, or motivation. A child who is consistently provoked may become disheartened, apathetic, resentful, or even rebellious. This discouragement can impact their emotional health, their relationship with their parents, their self-worth, and ultimately, their spiritual development, leading to a loss of desire to strive for what is good or to obey authority.
Literary Devices
The verse employs Direct Address ("Fathers"), immediately highlighting the specific audience and their responsibility. The use of the Imperative Mood ("provoke not") conveys a direct command, emphasizing the urgency and importance of the instruction. Furthermore, the verse clearly demonstrates a Cause and Effect relationship: the action of "provoking" is directly linked to the consequence of children becoming "discouraged." This rhetorical structure serves to underscore the profound impact of parental behavior on a child's emotional and spiritual well-being, urging fathers to consider the long-term repercussions of their actions.
Theological and Thematic Connections
Colossians 3:21 is a profound theological statement on the nature of authority within the Christian household, reflecting God's own character as a loving and just Father. It teaches that parental authority, particularly that of the father, is not absolute or to be wielded arbitrarily, but is to be exercised with wisdom, gentleness, and a view towards the child's holistic flourishing. Just as God, our heavenly Father, does not "provoke" us with unfairness or harshness but disciplines us for our good, so too earthly fathers are called to mirror this divine patience and nurturing love. The verse challenges the notion that strictness alone produces righteousness, advocating instead for a balanced approach that combines firm guidance with abundant grace, recognizing the delicate spirit of a child. This principle aligns with the broader biblical emphasis on raising children in a way that cultivates their love for God and others, rather than fostering resentment or apathy.
Reflection and Application
Colossians 3:21 provides a timeless and vital principle for all parents, especially fathers, on the profound impact of their words and actions. It calls for intentional self-awareness and empathy in parenting, urging us to consider not just what we demand of our children, but how our methods affect their inner spirit. Provocation can take many forms: constant criticism without affirmation, unreasonable expectations, inconsistent discipline, favoritism, ridicule, or a lack of genuine interest and affection. Such actions, even if unintentional, can chip away at a child's self-worth, extinguish their enthusiasm, and foster resentment, leading them to feel defeated, unloved, or even alienated from their parents and potentially from faith. True biblical parenting seeks to nurture, encourage, and guide, creating an environment where children feel secure, valued, and motivated to grow, even when corrected. It's about building up, not tearing down, recognizing that a child's spirit is a precious gift entrusted to our care.
Questions for Reflection
FAQ
What does "provoke not your children" specifically mean in a modern context?
In a modern context, "provoke not your children" means to avoid actions, words, or attitudes that unnecessarily irritate, anger, or discourage a child. This can include:
The goal is to foster an environment where children feel loved, secure, and motivated to obey, rather than being driven to anger or despair, as also cautioned in Ephesians 6:4.
Christ-Centered Fulfillment
Colossians 3:21, while a direct command to earthly fathers, finds its ultimate fulfillment and perfect example in the person and ministry of Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father's perfect Son. Christ never provoked His disciples to anger or discouraged them; instead, He consistently demonstrated a perfect blend of truth and grace, challenging them to grow while always offering profound love and affirmation. He gently corrected (Luke 9:46-48), patiently taught (John 16:12-13), and sacrificially loved (John 15:13). Even when confronted with their failures, He did not break their spirit but restored them with compassion, as seen in His post-resurrection interaction with Peter (John 21:15-19). Christ's leadership is one that empowers and elevates, never one that crushes or disheartens. Therefore, earthly fathers are called to mirror this divine parenting, reflecting the gentle yet firm love of God, who disciplines us for our good, "that we may share in his holiness" (Hebrews 12:10), always seeking to build up and encourage those entrusted to their care, just as Christ builds up His Church.