Colossians 3:21

Commentary on Colossians 3:21 (KJV)

The Apostle Paul's instruction in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged," is a vital directive within the broader context of Christian household relationships. This verse provides crucial insight into the responsibility of parents, particularly fathers, in nurturing the spiritual and emotional well-being of their children.

Context

This verse is part of Paul's practical exhortations in the latter half of the letter to the Colossians. After laying a theological foundation emphasizing Christ's supremacy and the believer's new life in Him (Colossians 3:1-4), Paul transitions to discussing how this new life should manifest in daily conduct. He first addresses the putting off of the "old man" and the putting on of the "new man" with its virtues like compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience (Colossians 3:5-17). The passage then moves into specific household codes, detailing the reciprocal duties of wives and husbands (Colossians 3:18-19), children and parents (Colossians 3:20-21), and slaves and masters (Colossians 3:22-25). This structure highlights that Christian principles are to permeate all aspects of life, including the family unit.

Key Themes and Messages

• Parental Responsibility: The verse places a direct charge on fathers, who, in ancient patriarchal societies, held significant authority. This responsibility is not merely to provide, but to foster a healthy emotional and spiritual environment.
• Avoiding Provocation: The core command is "provoke not." This implies a caution against actions or attitudes that would needlessly anger, irritate, or exasperate children. Such provocations can include harsh discipline, unfair favoritism, constant criticism, unreasonable demands, broken promises, or a lack of affirmation.
• Preventing Discouragement: The consequence of provocation is that children might "be discouraged." This speaks to a loss of spirit, a feeling of being disheartened, dejected, or resentful. A child who is constantly provoked may lose motivation, self-esteem, and even their desire to do what is right, leading to rebellion, withdrawal, or apathy.
• Nurturing Environment: Implicitly, Paul encourages a home environment built on love, understanding, patience, and grace, mirroring the virtues he previously listed. This aligns closely with the similar instruction in Ephesians 6:4, which advises fathers not to provoke their children but to bring them up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Linguistic Insights

The Greek word for "provoke" is erethizō (ἐρεθίζω), which means "to stir up," "to irritate," or "to exasperate." It suggests a persistent or repeated action that causes a reaction, often leading to anger or frustration. The KJV's addition "[to anger]" clarifies the intended effect.

The word translated "discouraged" is athymeō (ἀθυμέω), meaning "to be disheartened," "to lose heart," or "to become dispirited." It describes a state where one's courage, hope, or motivation wanes. This is a profound consequence, as a child who loses heart may cease to strive for good, whether in their relationship with their parents, their studies, or even their faith.

Practical Application

For parents today, Colossians 3:21 serves as a timeless reminder of the profound impact their words and actions have on their children.

• Self-Examination: Parents should regularly assess their parenting methods to ensure they are not inadvertently causing anger or resentment. Are expectations clear and reasonable? Is discipline fair and consistent? Is there sufficient affirmation and encouragement?
• Empathy and Understanding: Strive to understand a child's perspective and feelings. What might seem minor to an adult can be significant to a child.
• Lead with Love and Grace: While discipline is necessary, it should always be administered in love, aiming to correct and instruct rather than merely punish or vent frustration. This fosters a secure environment where children feel loved and valued, even when corrected. This reflects the bond of love that Paul highlights earlier in the chapter.
• Long-Term Impact: Recognizing that a child's discouragement can lead to spiritual apathy or rebellion later in life underscores the importance of fostering a positive and nurturing home environment, as suggested in Proverbs 22:6.

Ultimately, this verse calls fathers, and by extension all parents, to exercise their authority with wisdom, patience, and love, ensuring that their children are guided towards maturity and faith without being broken in spirit.