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Commentary on Ephesians 5 verses 21–33
Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and stations that God has allotted to us in the world. In the fear of God, that is, so far as is consistent with the fear of God, for his sake, and out of conscience towards him, and that hereby we may give proof that we truly fear him. Where there is this mutual condescension and submission, the duties of all relations will be the better performed. From Eph 5:22 to the end he speaks of the duties of husbands and wives; and he speaks of these in a Christian manner, setting the church as an example of the wife's subjection, and Christ as an example of love in husbands.
I. The duty prescribed to wives is submission to their husbands in the Lord (Eph 5:22), which submission includes the honouring and obeying of them, and that from a principle of love to them. They must do this in compliance with God's authority, who has commanded it, which is doing it as unto the Lord; or it may be understood by way of similitude and likeness, so that the sense may be, "as, being devoted to God, you submit yourselves unto him." From the former sense we may learn that by a conscientious discharge of the duties we owe to our fellow-creatures we obey and please God himself; and, from the latter, that God not only requires and insists on those duties which immediately respect himself, but such as respect our neighbours too. The apostle assigns the reason of this submission from wives: For the husband is the head of the wife, Eph 5:23. The metaphor is taken from the head in the natural body, which, being the seat of reason, of wisdom, and of knowledge, and the fountain of sense and motion, is more excellent than the rest of the body. God has given the man the pre-eminence and a right to direct and govern by creation, and in that original law of the relation, Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Whatever there is of uneasiness in this, it is an effect of sin coming into the world. Generally, too, the man has (what he ought to have) a superiority in wisdom and knowledge. He is therefore the head, even as Christ is the head of the church. There is a resemblance of Christ's authority over the church in that superiority and headship which God has appointed to the husband. The apostle adds, and he is the Saviour of the body. Christ's authority is exercised over the church for the saving of her from evil, and the supplying of her with every thing good for her. In like manner should the husband be employed for the protection and comfort of his spouse; and therefore she should the more cheerfully submit herself unto him. So it follows, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ (Eph 5:24), with cheerfulness, with fidelity, with humility, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing - in every thing to which their authority justly extends itself, in every thing lawful and consistent with duty to God.
II. The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (Eph 5:25); for without this they would abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church's subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ's love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (Eph 5:26) - that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., Eph 5:27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews' extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller's hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself - that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter. - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., Eph 5:28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, Eph 5:29 - (no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, Eph 5:30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church - because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ. - For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen 2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. - And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, Eph 5:32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.
After this, the apostle concludes this part of his discourse with a brief summary of the duty of husbands and wives, Eph 5:33. "Nevertheless (though there be such a secret mystical sense, yet the plain literal sense concerns you) let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, with such a sincere, peculiar, singular, and prevailing affection as that is which he bears to himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband." Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation.
Already he has given instructions generally to men concerning their wives and to women concerning their husbands. He now applies the same principles specifically to the Ephesians.… He has added the connecting word however. This shows that even as Christ and the church are one body, so are husband and wife one flesh. The husband’s maxim is to love his wife as if she were his own flesh.
"Nevertheless do ye also severally love each one his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she fear her husband."
For indeed, in very deed, a mystery it is, yea, a great mystery, that a man should leave him that gave him being, him that begat him, and that brought him up, and her that travailed with him and had sorrow, those that have bestowed upon him so many and great benefits, those with whom he has been in familiar intercourse, and be joined to one who was never even seen by him and who has nothing in common with him, and should honor her before all others. A mystery it is indeed. And yet are parents not distressed when these events take place, but rather, when they do not take place; and are delighted when their wealth is spent and lavished upon it.
However not for the husband's sake alone it is thus said, but for the wife's sake also, that "he cherish her as his own flesh, as Christ also the Church," and, "that the wife fear her husband." He is no longer setting down the duties of love only, but what? "That she fear her husband." The wife is a second authority; let not her then demand equality, for she is under the head; nor let him despise her as being in subjection, for she is the body; and if the head despise the body, it will itself also perish. But let him bring in love on his part as a counterpoise to obedience on her part. For example, let the hands and the feet, and all the rest of the members be given up for service to the head, but let the head provide for the body, seeing it contains every sense in itself. Nothing can be better than this union.
And yet how can there ever be love, one may say, where there is fear? It will exist there, I say, preeminently. For she that fears and reverences, loves also; and she that loves, fears and reverences him as being the head, and loves him as being a member, since the head itself is a member of the body at large. Hence he places the one in subjection, and the other in authority, that there may be peace; for where there is equal authority there can never be peace; neither where a house is a democracy, nor where all are rulers; but the ruling power must of necessity be one. And this is universally the case with matters referring to the body, inasmuch as when men are spiritual, there will be peace. There were "five thousand souls," and not one of them said, "that aught of the things which he possessed was his own", but they were subject one to another; an indication this of wisdom, and of the fear of God. The principle of love, however, he explains; that of fear he does not. And mark, how on that of love he enlarges, stating the arguments relating to Christ and those relating to one's own flesh, the words, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother." Whereas upon those drawn from fear he forbears to enlarge. And why so? Because he would rather that this principle prevail, this, namely, of love; for where this exists, everything else follows of course, but where the other exists, not necessarily. For the man who loves his wife, even though she be not a very obedient one, still will bear with everything. So difficult and impracticable is unanimity, where persons are not bound together by that love which is founded in supreme authority; at all events, fear will not necessarily effect this. Accordingly, he dwells the more upon this, which is the strong tie. And the wife though seeming to be the loser in that she was charged to fear, is the gainer, because the principal duty, love, is charged upon the husband. "But what," one may say, "if a wife reverence me not?" Never mind, thou art to love, fulfill thine own duty. For though that which is due from others may not follow, we ought of course to do our duty. This is an example of what I mean. He says, "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ." And what then if another submit not himself? Still obey thou the law of God. Just so, I say, is it also here. Let the wife at least, though she be not loved, still reverence notwithstanding, that nothing may lie at her door; and let the husband, though his wife reverence him not, still show her love notwithstanding, that he himself be not wanting in any point. For each has received his own.
However, when thou hearest of "fear," demand that fear which becomes a free woman, not as though thou wert exacting it of a slave. For she is thine own body; and if thou do this, thou reproachest thyself in dishonoring thine own body. And of what nature is this "fear"? It is the not contradicting, the not rebelling, the not being fond of the preeminence. It is enough that fear be kept within these bounds. But if thou love, as thou art commanded, thou wilt make it yet greater. Or rather it will not be any longer by fear that thou wilt be doing this, but love itself will have its effect. The sex is somehow weaker, and needs much support, much condescension.
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SUMMARY
Ephesians 5:33 serves as a concise yet profound summary of Paul's instructions for Christian marriage, emphasizing the distinct yet complementary responsibilities of husbands and wives. It exhorts every husband to love his wife with the same self-sacrificial devotion he has for himself, mirroring Christ's love for the Church, while simultaneously calling every wife to cultivate and express a deep reverence and respect for her husband, reflecting the Church's honor for Christ. This verse encapsulates the essence of a divinely ordered marital relationship, designed to reflect the gospel.
CONTEXT
EXPOSITION AND ANALYSIS
Key Word Analysis
Verse Breakdown
Literary Devices
Paul employs Chiasm implicitly in the broader passage (A: wife to husband, B: husband to wife, B': husband to wife, A': wife to husband, then a summary that reiterates both). In this specific verse, he uses Juxtaposition to place the distinct commands for husbands and wives side-by-side, highlighting their complementary nature. The command for the husband to "love" and the wife to "reverence" creates a Parallelism of responsibility, where each spouse has a unique, yet equally vital, duty. Furthermore, the phrase "even as himself" for the husband's love is a Simile, providing a relatable and high standard for the husband's self-giving.
THEOLOGICAL AND THEMATIC CONNECTIONS
Ephesians 5:33 is a theological cornerstone for understanding Christian marriage as a living parable of the gospel. It reveals that marriage is not merely a social contract or a means for personal happiness, but a divine institution designed to display the profound relationship between Christ and His Church. The husband's sacrificial love for his wife mirrors Christ's unconditional love and self-giving for His bride, the Church, while the wife's reverence for her husband reflects the Church's honor, respect, and submission to Christ as her head. This dynamic ensures that marriage is a powerful witness to the world, demonstrating the beauty and order of God's redemptive plan. When both spouses fulfill their distinct, God-given roles, the marriage becomes a vibrant testimony to the gospel, fostering an environment of mutual flourishing, spiritual growth, and deep intimacy.
REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Ephesians 5:33 calls every Christian spouse to a profound level of intentionality and spiritual maturity within their marriage. For husbands, the command to love their wives "even as himself" is a lifelong pursuit of self-denial and active service. It means prioritizing her well-being, listening to her needs, protecting her, and nurturing her spiritual and emotional growth, just as Christ cherishes and sanctifies His Church. This love is not passive but proactive, requiring daily choices to put her first. For wives, the call to "reverence her husband" is an invitation to cultivate a deep respect and honor that acknowledges his God-given role and values his contributions. This reverence is expressed through supportive actions, appreciative words, and a willingness to trust his leadership, fostering an atmosphere of peace and mutual esteem. When both spouses commit to these distinct yet interdependent commands, their marriage transcends cultural norms and becomes a powerful, living demonstration of the gospel, bringing glory to God and fostering a secure, thriving environment for the family.
Questions for Reflection
FAQ
What is the difference between "love" for the husband and "reverence" for the wife in this verse?
Answer: The distinction lies in the specific Greek words used and their implications. For husbands, Paul uses agapáō (G25), which denotes a volitional, self-sacrificial, and unconditional love that seeks the highest good of the other, mirroring Christ's love for the Church. It's an active, giving love that prioritizes the wife's well-being. For wives, Paul uses phobéō (G5399), which in this context means profound respect, honor, and awe, not a cowering fear. It's akin to the "fear of the Lord" (as seen in Proverbs 1:7), recognizing and valuing the husband's person and his God-given role within the marriage. While different, these commands are complementary, creating a balanced and healthy marital dynamic where love fosters respect, and respect thrives in an environment of love.
CHRIST-CENTERED FULFILLMENT
Ephesians 5:33 finds its ultimate fulfillment and meaning in the person and work of Jesus Christ. The husband's command to love his wife "even as himself" is a direct echo and application of Christ's own self-emptying love for His Church. Just as Christ "gave himself up for her" (as detailed in Ephesians 5:25), husbands are called to embody this same sacrificial, purifying, and nurturing love. This love is not merely an emotion but an active commitment to the wife's sanctification and flourishing, reflecting Christ's desire to present His Church "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing" (Ephesians 5:27). Similarly, the wife's call to reverence her husband mirrors the Church's rightful and joyful submission to Christ as her Head. The Church honors, respects, and follows Christ's leadership because He first loved her and laid down His life for her. This mutual dynamic of Christ's loving headship and the Church's reverent response is the divine blueprint for marriage, making it a visible, tangible witness to the profound mystery of the gospel and the redemptive relationship between the Savior and His redeemed people, a relationship that began with Christ's incarnation (John 1:14) and culminates in the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7-9).