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“Christ and the Church: The Marriage Standard”· Ephesians 5:22–33
Translation
King James Version
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
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KJV (with Strong's)
That G2443 he G846 might sanctify G37 and cleanse it G2511 with the washing G3067 of water G5204 by G1722 the word G4487,
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Complete Jewish Bible
in order to set it apart for God, making it clean through immersion in the mikveh, so to speak,
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Berean Standard Bible
to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
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American Standard Version
that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,
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World English Bible Messianic
that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,
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Geneva Bible (1599)
That hee might sanctifie it, and clense it by the washing of water through the worde,
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Young's Literal Translation
that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it with the bathing of the water in the saying,
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In the KJVVerse 29,331 of 31,102 · 94.3%

Study This Verse

Summary

Ephesians 5:26 reveals the profound purpose of Christ's sacrificial love for His church: to sanctify and cleanse her. This verse portrays Christ as the divine Bridegroom actively preparing His bride, the church, for Himself, making her holy and pure through a spiritual washing that is accomplished by the transformative power of His revealed Word. It underscores the active, ongoing work of Christ in purifying and consecrating His people, setting them apart for His divine purposes and ultimate glory.

Context

Literary Context

Ephesians 5:26 is an integral part of Paul's extended analogy of Christ and the church as the ultimate pattern for marriage. Following the pivotal command in Ephesians 5:25, where husbands are exhorted to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," verse 26 elaborates on the purpose of that self-giving love. This passage is situated within the latter half of Ephesians (chapters Ephesians 4-Ephesians 6), which transitions from deep theological exposition on God's eternal plan and the nature of the church (chapters Ephesians 1-Ephesians 3) to practical exhortations for Christian living. The overarching theme is walking in a manner worthy of one's calling in Christ, specifically emphasizing unity, holiness, and submission within various relationships, with Christ's example as the supreme standard for all.

Historical & Cultural Context

In the Greco-Roman world, marriage was a foundational social institution, often involving elaborate betrothal and wedding rituals. A key aspect of ancient weddings was the bride's preparation, which often included ritualistic bathing and adorning herself to be presented pure and beautiful to her groom. Paul leverages this familiar imagery to explain a profound spiritual reality. The concept of "sanctification" (being set apart) and "cleansing" was also deeply rooted in Old Testament sacrificial and purification laws, where ritual washing was essential for approaching God or participating in sacred rites. The audience, comprising both Jewish and Gentile believers, would have understood these concepts, whether from a background of Mosaic Law or common cultural practices related to purity and presentation. The church, as the "bride of Christ," is thus depicted as undergoing a divine preparation, making her fit for union with her holy Bridegroom.

Key Themes

This verse contributes significantly to several major themes found throughout Ephesians and the broader New Testament. Firstly, it highlights Christ's active and ongoing work in the church's sanctification, emphasizing that holiness is not merely a human endeavor but a divine process initiated and sustained by Christ Himself. Secondly, it underscores the purity and holiness expected of the church, which is presented as Christ's beloved bride, reflecting His own spotless character. This theme of purity is echoed in passages like 2 Corinthians 11:2 where Paul speaks of presenting the church as a "pure virgin to Christ." Thirdly, the verse powerfully affirms the transformative power of God's Word. The "word" is identified as the means by which this spiritual washing and purification occurs, aligning with Jesus' prayer in John 17:17, "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth." This reveals the indispensable role of Scripture in the believer's and the church's spiritual growth and purification, a theme central to Christian discipleship.

Exposition and Analysis

Key Word Analysis

sanctify hagiázō' G37

Meaning "to make holy, i.e. (ceremonially) purify or consecrate; (mentally) to venerate." In this context, it signifies Christ's act of setting the church apart for Himself, dedicating her exclusively to God's service and purposes. It implies a separation from common or profane use and a consecration to sacred use, making the church holy in character and purpose.

cleanse katharízō' G2511

Meaning "to cleanse (literally or figuratively):--(make) clean(-se), purge, purify." This word emphasizes the removal of moral and spiritual defilement, sin, and impurity. Together with "sanctify," it portrays a comprehensive process of making the church pure and acceptable, removing anything that would mar her relationship with Christ or hinder her holiness.

washing loutrón' G3067

Meaning "a bath, i.e. (figuratively), baptism." While literally referring to a bath, in this spiritual context, it signifies a profound act of purification. It is a symbolic washing, akin to a bride's preparatory bath, signifying spiritual regeneration and purification from sin, as seen in other New Testament references to "the washing of regeneration" (Titus 3:5).

word rhēma' G4487

Meaning "an utterance (individually, collectively or specially); by implication, a matter or topic (especially of narration, command or dispute)." In this verse, "the word" refers to the divine utterance, the gospel message, the authoritative and life-giving truth of God revealed through Scripture. It is not merely human words, but the powerful, active, and transformative Word of God that serves as the instrument of sanctification and cleansing.

Verse Breakdown

"That he might sanctify and cleanse it"

This clause directly states the purpose of Christ's self-giving love mentioned in Ephesians 5:25. Christ's ultimate goal is to make His church holy (hagiázō) and pure (katharízō). This is an active, intentional work of Christ, demonstrating His profound commitment to His bride. "It" refers to the church, personified as the bride.

"with the washing of water"

This phrase describes the means or instrument of the cleansing. The "washing of water" (loutrón tou hýdatos) is a powerful metaphor for spiritual purification. While it may allude to baptism as an outward sign of an inward reality, its primary emphasis here is on the spiritual cleansing that takes place, preparing the church for Christ. It evokes imagery of a bride being bathed and prepared for her wedding day, symbolizing purity and readiness.

"by the word"

This crucial phrase (en rhēmati) clarifies the agent or instrumentality through which the washing of water (spiritual purification) occurs. The Greek preposition en (G1722) indicates the means or instrument. It is not the physical water itself that cleanses, but the divine "word" (rhēma)—the truth of the gospel, the teaching of Christ, and the revelation of God's will found in Scripture. It is through hearing, believing, and applying God's authoritative and life-giving message that individuals and the collective church are transformed, purified, and set apart for God.

Literary Devices

Ephesians 5:26 is rich with literary devices that amplify its theological depth. The most prominent is Metaphor, where the relationship between Christ and the church is likened to that of a husband and wife, specifically a bridegroom and his bride. This central metaphor frames the entire passage, allowing Paul to convey profound truths about Christ's sacrificial love and the church's identity. Within this, Symbolism is evident in "the washing of water," which symbolizes spiritual purification and regeneration, echoing ancient purification rites and potentially alluding to baptism. The "word" also functions symbolically as the active, life-giving agent of this cleansing. Furthermore, the verse employs Personification, presenting the church as a living entity—a bride—that is actively sanctified and cleansed by Christ. This anthropomorphic portrayal makes the abstract concept of the church more relatable and emphasizes the intimate, personal nature of Christ's relationship with His people. The combination of these devices creates a vivid and impactful image of Christ's profound love and His ongoing work to prepare a holy and spotless bride for Himself.

Theological and Thematic Connections

Ephesians 5:26 profoundly illustrates the active and ongoing work of Christ in the life of the believer and the corporate body of the church. It underscores that sanctification is not merely a human endeavor but a divine process initiated and sustained by Christ Himself, rooted in His sacrificial love. This verse highlights the essential role of God's Word as the primary instrument of spiritual cleansing and transformation, emphasizing that genuine purity and holiness are achieved through engagement with divine truth. The imagery of the church as a purified bride underscores her unique identity as set apart for Christ, destined for a glorious union with Him, and called to reflect His holiness in the world. This preparation is not just for an eschatological future but is an active, present reality for the church.

Reflection and Application

Ephesians 5:26 offers profound insights for both individual believers and the collective church, calling us to a deeper appreciation of Christ's work and our role in it. For the individual, it reminds us that our holiness is not self-generated but is a gift and an ongoing process initiated by Christ through His Word. This should foster humility and a deep reliance on Scripture as the means by which we are continually purified and set apart for God's purposes. It encourages us to immerse ourselves in the truth of God's Word, allowing it to expose sin, renew our minds, and transform our lives. For the church, this verse serves as a powerful reminder of her identity as Christ's beloved bride, called to reflect His purity and holiness to the world. It challenges us to pursue corporate purity, to live in accordance with the truth we proclaim, and to ensure that our practices and teachings are continually aligned with the cleansing power of God's Word. Ultimately, it calls us to live in light of our glorious future, as a church being prepared by Christ Himself, spotless and blameless, for His eternal presence.

Questions for Reflection

  1. How does understanding Christ's active role in sanctifying and cleansing the church impact your personal pursuit of holiness?
  2. In what specific ways do you allow "the word" to wash and purify your mind and heart daily?
  3. How can your local church more intentionally embrace its identity as Christ's "sanctified and cleansed" bride?
  4. What impurities, individually or corporately, might be hindering the church's reflection of Christ's spotless character?

FAQ

What does "the washing of water by the word" specifically refer to?

This phrase refers to the spiritual purification and regeneration that occurs through the instrumentality of God's Word. While it may allude to Christian baptism as an outward symbol of an inward reality, its primary emphasis is on the cleansing power of divine truth. The "washing of water" is a metaphor for spiritual purification, and "by the word" clarifies that this cleansing is accomplished through the gospel message and the teaching of Scripture. It's the truth of God, proclaimed and received, that transforms and purifies the heart and life of the believer, setting them apart for God. This is consistent with John 17:17, where Jesus prays, "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth."

Is this verse talking about water baptism?

While some interpretations connect "the washing of water" to water baptism, the phrase "by the word" is crucial for understanding the primary means of cleansing. The emphasis is on the spiritual washing effected by the Word of God, rather than the physical act of baptism itself being the sole or primary agent of sanctification. Baptism is a powerful symbol and outward declaration of an inward spiritual reality, but the verse attributes the actual sanctifying and cleansing power to the divine "word" or truth. The spiritual reality symbolized by baptism (regeneration and purification) is accomplished through the transformative power of the gospel, which is God's Word.

Christ-Centered Fulfillment

Ephesians 5:26 finds its profound Christ-centered fulfillment in the person and work of Jesus Christ, who is both the loving Bridegroom and the active Agent of sanctification. His self-giving love, as described in Ephesians 5:25, is the foundational act that enables the church's purification. Christ, through His atoning sacrifice on the cross, provided the ultimate cleansing from sin, making it possible for humanity to be reconciled to a holy God. He is the one who "loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood" (Revelation 1:5). Furthermore, the "word" by which the church is cleansed is ultimately His own word, the gospel of salvation that He proclaimed and commissioned His apostles to preach (Matthew 28:19-20). He is the living Word (John 1:1), and His teachings, revealed in Scripture, continually purify and transform His people. The ultimate goal of this sanctification is for Christ to present the church to Himself "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless" (Ephesians 5:27), a glorious bride perfectly prepared for eternal union with her divine Bridegroom.

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Public-domain commentary

Matthew Henry

From his Commentary on the Whole Bible. Henry comments on passages, not single verses — this entry covers Ephesians 5:21–33.

1662–1714 · 13 verses
Passage under commentEphesians 5:21–33

Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph 5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and stations that God has allotted to us in the world. In the fear of God, that is, so far as is consistent with the fear of God, for his sake, and out of conscience towards him, and that hereby we may give proof that we truly fear him. Where there is this mutual condescension and submission, the duties of all relations will be the better performed. From Eph 5:22 to the end he speaks of the duties of husbands and wives; and he speaks of these in a Christian manner, setting the church as an example of the wife's subjection, and Christ as an example of love in husbands.

I.The duty prescribed to wives is submission to their husbands in the Lord (Eph 5:22), which submission includes the honouring and obeying of them, and that from a principle of love to them. They must do this in compliance with God's authority, who has commanded it, which is doing it as unto the Lord; or it may be understood by way of similitude and likeness, so that the sense may be, "as, being devoted to God, you submit yourselves unto him." From the former sense we may learn that by a conscientious discharge of the duties we owe to our fellow-creatures we obey and please God himself; and, from the latter, that God not only requires and insists on those duties which immediately respect himself, but such as respect our neighbours too. The apostle assigns the reason of this submission from wives: For the husband is the head of the wife, Eph 5:23. The metaphor is taken from the head in the natural body, which, being the seat of reason, of wisdom, and of knowledge, and the fountain of sense and motion, is more excellent than the rest of the body. God has given the man the pre-eminence and a right to direct and govern by creation, and in that original law of the relation, Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Whatever there is of uneasiness in this, it is an effect of sin coming into the world. Generally, too, the man has (what he ought to have) a superiority in wisdom and knowledge. He is therefore the head, even as Christ is the head of the church. There is a resemblance of Christ's authority over the church in that superiority and headship which God has appointed to the husband. The apostle adds, and he is the Saviour of the body. Christ's authority is exercised over the church for the saving of her from evil, and the supplying of her with every thing good for her. In like manner should the husband be employed for the protection and comfort of his spouse; and therefore she should the more cheerfully submit herself unto him. So it follows, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ (Eph 5:24), with cheerfulness, with fidelity, with humility, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing - in every thing to which their authority justly extends itself, in every thing lawful and consistent with duty to God.

II.The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (Eph 5:25); for without this they would abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church's subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ's love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (Eph 5:26) - that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., Eph 5:27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews' extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller's hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself - that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter. - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., Eph 5:28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, Eph 5:29 - (no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, Eph 5:30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church - because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ. - For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen 2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. - And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, Eph 5:32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.

After this, the apostle concludes this part of his discourse with a brief summary of the duty of husbands and wives, Eph 5:33. "Nevertheless (though there be such a secret mystical sense, yet the plain literal sense concerns you) let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, with such a sincere, peculiar, singular, and prevailing affection as that is which he bears to himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband." Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation.

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Historical interpretation

Seventeen Centuries of Reception

7 surviving comments on this verse. Each one is dated, so this reads as a timeline rather than a list.

7 quotes · AD 220–1963
Ante-NicenePost-NiceneEarly MedievalMedieval
20030040050060070080090010001100120013001400150016001700180019002000

Select a marker to jump to its quote. Markers stagger vertically where authors wrote within a few decades of each other.

AD 220TertullianAnte-NiceneSourceOn Modesty
" What more disgraceful than immodesties? If, moreover, even from a "brother" who "walketh idly" he warns the Thessalonians to withdraw themselves, how much more withal from a fornicator! For these are the deliberate judgments of Christ, "loving the Church," who "hath delivered Him self up for her, that He may sanctify her (purifying her utterly by the layer of water) in the word, that He may present the Church to Him self glorious, not having stain or wrinkle"-of course after the laver-"but (that) she may be holy and without reproach; " thereafter, to wit, being "without wrinkle" as a virgin, "without stain" (of fornication) as a spouse, "without disgrace" (of vileness), as having been "utterly purified.
AD 258CyprianAnte-NiceneSourceEpistle LXXV
But that the Church is one, the Holy Spirit declares in the Song of Songs, saying, in the person of Christ, "My dove, my undefiled, is one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her." Concerning which also He says again, "A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring sealed up, a well of living water." But if the spouse of Christ, which is the Church, is a garden enclosed; a thing that is closed up cannot lie open to strangers and profane persons. And if it is a fountain sealed, he who, being placed without has no access to the spring, can neither drink thence nor be sealed. And the well also of living water, if it is one and the same within, he who is placed without cannot be quickened and sanctified from that water of which it is only granted to those who are within to make any use, or to drink. Peter also, showing this, set forth that the Church is one, and that only they who are in the Church can be baptized; and said, "In the ark of Noah, few, that is, eight souls, were saved by water; the like figure where-unto even baptism shall save you; " proving and attesting that the one ark of Noah was a type of the one Church. If, then, in that baptism of the world thus expiated and purified, he who was not in the ark of Noah could be saved by water, he who is not in the Church to which alone baptism is granted, can also now be quickened by baptism. Moreover, too, the Apostle Paul, more openly and clearly still manifesting this same thing, writes to the Ephesians, and says, "Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water." But if the Church is one which is loved by Christ, and is alone cleansed by His washing, how can he who is not in the Church be either loved by Christ, or washed and cleansed by His washing?
AD 311Methodius of OlympusAnte-Nicene
And slept in the trance of His passion, and willingly suffered death for her, that He might present the Church to Himself glorious and blameless, having cleansed her by the laver,
AD 370Gaius Marius VictorinusPost-NiceneSourceEPISTLE TO THE EPHESIANS 2.5.25-26
Here we take “the church” to mean every believer and everyone who has received baptism. The believer is brought to faith by the washing in water and the invocation of the Word. But how is this applied to a husband’s conduct toward his wife? This is not entirely clear. One possible view is that the mystery of baptism is being rehearsed in this metaphor. On the other hand, if we refer this to the endurance of the husband, which entails his giving himself for the wife and bearing and suffering all that is hers, even sharing in all that she endures, she is being cleansed with water and the Word—that is, she is being purified in the Lord’s sight when he renders her pure and by his endurance makes her ready to be sanctified by washing and the Word.
"And gave Himself up," he says, "for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it."

So then she was unclean! So then she had blemishes, so then she was unsightly, so then she was worthless! Whatsoever kind of wife thou shalt take, yet shalt thou never take such a bride as the Church, when Christ took her, nor one so far removed from thee as the Church was from Christ, And yet for all that, He did not abhor her, nor loathe her for her surpassing deformity. Wouldest thou hear her deformity described? Hear what Paul saith, "For ye were once darkness." Didst thou see the blackness of her hue? What blacker than darkness? But look again at her boldness, "living," saith he, "in malice and envy." Look again at her impurity; "disobedient, foolish." But what am I saying? She was both foolish, and of an evil tongue; and yet notwithstanding, though so many were her blemishes, yet did He give Himself up for her in her deformity, as for one in the bloom of youth, as for one dearly beloved, as for one of wonderful beauty. And it was in admiration of this that Paul said, "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die"; and again, "in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." And though such as this, He took her, He arrayed her in beauty, and washed her, and refused not even this, to give Himself for her.
"That He might sanctify it having cleansed it," he proceeds, "by the washing of water with the word; that He might present the Church to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish."

"By the washing or layer" He washeth her uncleanness. "By the word," saith he. What word? "In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." And not simply hath He adorned her, but hath made her "glorious, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing." Let us then also seek after this beauty ourselves, and we shall be able to create it. Seek not thou at thy wife's hand, things which she is not able to possess. Seest thou that the Church had all things at her Lord's hands? By Him was made glorious, by Him was made pure, by Him made without blemish? Turn not thy back on thy wife because of her deformity. Hear the Scripture that saith, "The bee is little among such as fly, but her fruit is the chief of sweet things." She is of God's fashioning. Thou reproachest not her, but Him that made her; what can the woman do? Praise her not for her beauty. Praise and hatred and love based on personal beauty belong to unchastened souls. Seek thou for beauty of soul. Imitate the Bridegroom of the Church. Outward beauty is full of conceit and great license, and throws men into jealousy, and the thing often makes thee suspect monstrous things. But has it any pleasure? For the first or second month, perhaps, or at most for the year: but then no longer; the admiration by familiarity wastes away. Meanwhile the evils which arose from the beauty still abide, the pride, the folly, the contemptuousness. Whereas in one who is not such, there is nothing of this kind. But the love having begun on just grounds, still continues ardent, since its object is beauty of soul, and not of body. What better, tell me, than heaven? What better than the stars? Tell me of what body you will, yet is there none so fair. Tell me of what eyes you will, yet are there none so sparkling. When these were created, the very Angels gazed with wonder, and we gaze with wonder now; yet not in the same degree as at first. Such is familiarity; things do not strike us in the same degree. How much more in the case of a wife! And if moreover disease come too, all is at once fled. Let us seek in a wife affectionateness, modest-mindedness, gentleness; these are the characteristics of beauty. But loveliness of person let us not seek, nor upbraid her upon these points, over which she has no power, nay, rather, let us not upbraid at all, (it were rudeness,) nor let us be impatient, nor sullen. Do ye not see how many, after living with beautiful wives, have ended their lives pitiably, and how many, who have lived with those of no great beauty, have run on to extreme old age with great enjoyment. Let us wipe off the "spot" that is within, let us smooth the "wrinkles" that are within, let us do away the "blemishes" that are on the soul. Such is the beauty God requires. Let us make her fair in God's sight, not in our own. Let us not look for wealth, nor for that high-birth which is outward, but for that true nobility which is in the soul. Let no one endure to get rich by a wife; for such riches are base and disgraceful; no, by no means let any one seek to get rich from this source. "For they that desire to be rich, fall into a temptation and a snare, and many foolish and hurtful lusts, and into destruction and perdition." Seek not therefore in thy wife abundance of wealth, and thou shall find everything else go well. Who, tell me, would overlook the most important things, to attend to those which are less so? And yet, alas! this is in every case our feeling. Yes, if we have a son, we concern ourselves not how he may be made virtuous, but how we may get him a rich wife; not how he may be well-mannered, but well-monied: if we follow a business, we enquire not how it may be clear of sin, but how it may bring us in most profit. And everything has become money; and thus is everything corrupted and ruined, because that passion possesses us.
AD 1963CS LewisMedievalSourceMere Christianity, Chapter 6 - Christian Marriage
And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love' usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending 'They lived happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married', then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit, reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each others; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.
Source: Quotations drawn from early Church Fathers and historical Christian theologians (AD 100–1500). Some quotes address the surrounding passage context rather than this verse alone.
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