1 Corinthians 7:4

“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me” marks a turn in the letter. Up to this point Paul has dealt with matters he raised himself, and now he takes up the questions the church had sent him. The verb gráphō simply means “to write”, and it tells us that a letter from Corinth lay before him. He opens later subjects with the same “now concerning”: food offered to idols in 1 Corinthians 8:1 and spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:1. The whole of 1 Corinthians 7 answers their questions about marriage, singleness and divorce, so the counsel in it was asked for, and Paul gives it as a pastor meeting his people’s real questions.

The first matter is the saying “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” The verb háptomai means “to touch”. It is the reflexive form of a verb meaning to attach oneself to something, and with “woman” it was a well-understood and modest way of speaking of sexual relations. So the question is whether giving up sexual relations altogether is the better way. Kalós is the common word for “good”, and to commend one path as good leaves every other good path good as well.

Believers differ on whose words these are. On one reading Paul is quoting a saying from the Corinthians’ own letter, the position of a group in the church who wanted complete abstinence, even inside marriage, as a way to greater purity, and he spends the following verses qualifying it. On the other reading Paul is speaking in his own voice and affirming that for some people, in some circumstances, abstaining is a good and honorable path, as he goes on to say of himself in verse 7. On either reading, verse 2 follows at once with “Nevertheless”, and the chapter commends the single life to those who are given it while upholding marriage for most. Paul counts singleness an advantage especially in view of “the present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26), which may mean persecution or the urgency of the last days.

The setting explains why such a question arose. Corinth was a busy Roman port, a crossroads of trade and peoples, and it was notorious for sexual immorality. It had many pagan temples, among them a temple of Aphrodite associated with cult prostitution. Some believers there treated their freedom as licence, saying “all things are lawful” (1 Corinthians 6:12), and others swung the other way and treated all sexual activity, even in marriage, as spiritually inferior. Paul has just told the church to “flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18), and in this chapter he answers both errors.

“Nevertheless” turns from the saying of verse 1 to the needs of real life. The Greek joins dé, “but”, to the preposition diá, here ‘because of’, and the occasion Paul names is fornication. The word porneía is drawn from a word for harlotry, and it covers every kind of sexual sin, including prostitution, adultery, sex before marriage and incest. In a city like Corinth that danger was on every side, and Paul answers it with marriage.

“Let every man have his own wife” is a command. The verb échō means to have, hold or possess, and the duty in it comes from the command form “let ... have”. Here it means having a wife in marriage, where sexual union belongs. In “his own wife”, gynḗ means a woman or a wife, and “his own” is heautoû, the ordinary reflexive pronoun. In “her own husband”, anḗr is a man or a husband, and “her own” is ídios, “one’s own”. The two halves are joined by kaí, “and”, and the second gives the woman the same rule as the man. Each man has a wife who is his and each woman a husband who is hers, which is marriage as one man and one woman, faithful to each other, set apart from the many partners common among the Gentiles around them.

Sexual desire is part of God’s design, and he gave marriage as the place where it is fulfilled in a holy and committed union, with closeness, children and companionship. It goes back to the beginning, when the two became one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Proverbs tells a husband to drink from his own cistern and rejoice with the wife of his youth (Proverbs 5:15–20). And Paul has just reminded the Corinthians that the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).

Verse 3 states the duty. Apodídōmi, “render”, means to give away or give back, and it is used of paying, restoring and performing what is owed. “Due” is opheílō, to owe or be under obligation. Eúnoia, “benevolence”, means kindness or goodwill, and here it is a modest word for the marriage duty. So “due benevolence” is the kindness of the marriage bed, owed to one’s spouse by the covenant of marriage. The word Paul uses for it is a kind one, and it shows how this is to be given: willingly and with goodwill, as care for the other.

“And likewise also the wife unto the husband.” The word homoíōs, “likewise”, makes the duty run both ways in the same measure. The husband owes it to his wife and the wife owes it to her husband, so the right and the duty belong equally to each. That mutual giving strengthens the bond of marriage and guards both from temptation outside it.

Verse 4 gives the ground of the duty. Exousiázō, “hath power”, comes from the word for authority, exousia, and means to control or exercise authority over. Sōma, “body”, is the physical body, and it can stand for the whole person. “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband” means that in marriage she has given authority over her body to her husband. Then the same words are said of the husband, who has given authority over his body to his wife. The two clauses mirror each other, joined by homoíōs kaí, “likewise also”, and the mirror is the point: the giving is complete, and it is equal. It is the one-flesh union lived out, the mutual submission Paul asks of all believers (Ephesians 5:21), and a part of presenting our bodies to God as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1).

Among the Greeks and Romans, women generally held a lower legal and social standing, and a husband held wide authority over his wife and household. Into that world Paul wrote that the husband’s body belongs to his wife just as hers belongs to him, which put husband and wife on an equal footing in the marriage bed.

“Defraud ye not one the other” forbids a husband or wife to withhold intimacy from the other. Aposteréō means to despoil or deprive, to keep back what is due, the same kind of wrong as keeping back wages or property that belongs to someone else. Paul uses a strong word because, after verse 4, each spouse’s body has been given to the other, and to refuse it without cause takes what is the other’s.

Paul allows one exception, and he hedges it in three ways. It must be “with consent”, and sýmphōnos is made of sýn, “together”, and phōnḗ, “sound”, so it means sounding together, agreeing. The decision belongs to both, and one spouse may not impose it on the other. It must be “for a time”, a set and limited period. And it must have a purpose, introduced by hína, “that”: “that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer”. The verb scholázō, “give yourselves”, means to be at leisure for something and so to devote oneself wholly to it. Marriage and its intimacy are good, and there are seasons when a couple agree to lay them aside together for a closer focus on God.

“And come together again” is a second command. The time apart has an end, and the couple return to their full life as husband and wife. The reason follows with hína mḗ, “that ... not”: “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” Akrasía, “incontinency”, means want of self-restraint, especially in sensual desire. Satan works on human weakness, and a long abstinence would hand him a weakness to work on. We put on the whole armour of God against the devil’s schemes (Ephesians 6:11), and here Paul makes the marriage bed part of a couple’s defence.

“But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.” The connective dé, “but”, turns to explain what kind of instruction Paul has just given. Syngnṓmē, “permission”, is formed from words meaning knowledge shared with another, and it means a concession or allowance, an opinion given with understanding. Epitagḗ, “commandment”, is an injunction or an authoritative order. Between them stands ou, the plain word for “not”.

“This” most naturally points to what Paul has just said about a couple parting for a time of prayer in verse 5, and it may also cover his wider counsel on marriage and singleness. Paul is telling the Corinthians how to hold it: as an allowance given with wisdom for their situation, which a couple may take up as they need.

Paul draws the same line through the chapter. In 1 Corinthians 7:10 he passes on a command from the Lord to the married, and in 1 Corinthians 7:12 and 1 Corinthians 7:25 he gives his own judgment. He speaks the same way when he urges the Corinthians to give, by way of proving their love (2 Corinthians 8:8), and when he chooses to appeal to Philemon (Philemon 1:8–9).

“For I would that all men were even as I myself.” Thélō, “would”, means to will, wish or prefer. Paul was unmarried, perhaps a widower, and being single left him free for the demands of his travelling ministry and for undivided attention to the Lord’s work, as he implies when he speaks of his rights as an apostle (1 Corinthians 9:5). Later in the chapter he explains the undivided devotion the single life allows (1 Corinthians 7:32–35).

“But every man hath his proper gift of God.” The “But” is allá, and it sets Paul’s wish beside the way God actually gives. “Proper” is ídios, “one’s own”, the same word as “her own husband” in verse 2, so each believer has a gift that is his own. Chárisma, “gift”, is drawn from charis, grace, and it means a free gift of God’s grace. Paul uses the word of spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12:4), and here he uses it of the grace to live single or married. “Of God” names where the gift comes from, so the ability to live well in either state is a gift of grace that equips a person to serve God there.

“One after this manner, and another after that.” God gives differently to different people. Some he enables to live single and serve him with undivided devotion, and others to serve him in marriage and in raising a family. It is the truth about gifts that Paul develops at length in 1 Corinthians 12, and Scripture says it more than once: we have gifts differing according to the grace given us (Romans 12:6), grace is given to each one (Ephesians 4:7), and each is to use his gift as a good steward of God’s grace (1 Peter 4:10). Paul goes on to tell every believer to live in the calling in which the Lord has placed him (1 Corinthians 7:17–24).

Jesus himself lived single, and his life shows that a life wholly given to God is complete in him. He spoke of those who make themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (Matthew 19:10–12). His whole life was given to his Father’s will: he came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and his food was to do the will of God (John 4:34).

Marriage in turn points to Christ’s love for his church. Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ “loved the church, and gave himself for it”, to sanctify and cleanse it (Ephesians 5:25–33). When husband and wife give themselves to each other, their giving reflects that greater love which lays down its life for its friends (John 15:13). Scripture ends with the church as the pure bride at the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7–9), the union that fulfils every earthly longing for closeness.

The purity these verses ask for is also Christ’s gift. The Spirit enables believers to walk in holiness (Galatians 5:16), and self-control, enkrateia, the answer to the akrasía of verse 5, is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23). Christ overcame temptation in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1–11), and he prayed for his people to be kept from the evil one (John 17:15). The Spirit he sends (John 16:7) is the one who enables each believer to live out his own gift. Christ is made unto us wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30), and in him we are complete (Colossians 2:10), married or single. He sums up the law in love for God and neighbour (Matthew 22:37–40), and the Spirit leads believers to live that law in grace (Romans 8:2–4), which is the setting for counsel given by permission.

These verses show a God who cares about the most private part of married life and speaks to it with kindness. He gave marriage as a holy place for desire, he made husband and wife debtors to each other in love, and he guards them against the tempter by keeping them together. He also honors the single life, and he gives every believer his own gift, so that the married and the unmarried alike stand before him with grace for the life he has given them. Paul’s careful line between the Lord’s command and his own counsel shows that God binds his people where he has spoken and gives them room for wisdom where he has allowed it. Whatever our state, the passage sets us in it as a gift received from God and lived for him.