Augustine of Hippo

"For in You, O Lord, do I hope; You will hear, O Lord, my God" [Psalm 38:15]. As if it were said to Him, "Why did you not open your mouth? Why did You not say, 'Refrain'? Why did You not rebuke the unrighteous, while hanging on the Cross?" He goes on and says, "For in You, O Lord, do I hope; Thou, O Lord my God, wilt hear." He warns you what to do, should tribulation haply befall. For you seek to defend yourself, and perhaps your defence is not listened to by any one. Then are you confounded, as if you had lost your cause; because you have none to defend or to bear testimony in your favour. "Keep" but your "innocence" within, where no one can pervert your cause. False-witness has prevailed against you before men. Will it then prevail before God, where your cause has to be pleaded? When God shall be Judge, there shall be no other witness than your own conscience. In the presence of a just judge, and of your own conscience, fear nothing but your own cause. If you have not a bad cause, you will have no accuser to dread; no false-witness to confute, nor witness to the truth to look for. Do but bring into court a good conscience, that you may say, "For in You, O Lord, do I hope; Thou, O Lord my God, wilt hear."

"For I said, Let not mine enemies ever rejoice over me. And when my feet slip, they magnify themselves against me" [Psalm 38:16]. Again He returns to the infirmity of His Body: and again the Head takes heed of Its "feet." The Head is not in such a manner in Heaven, as to forsake what It has on earth; He evidently sees and observes us. For sometimes, as is the way of this life, our feet are "turned aside," and they slip by falling into some sin; there the tongues of the enemy rise up with the bitterest malignity. From this then we discern what they really had in view, even while they kept silence. Then they speak with an unsparing harshness; rejoicing to have discovered what they ought to have grieved for. "And I said, Lest at any time my adversaries should rejoice over me." I said this indeed; and yet it was perhaps for my correction that You have caused them to "magnify themselves against me, when my feet slipped;" that is to say, when I stumbled, they were elated, and said many things. For pity, not insult, was due from them to the weak; even as the Apostle speaks: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness;" and he combines the reason why: "considering yourself also, lest you also be tempted." [Galatians 6:1] Not such as these were the persons of whom He speaks: "And when my feet slipped, they rejoiced greatly against me;" but they were such as those of whom He says elsewhere: "They that hate me will rejoice if I fall."

"For I am prepared for the scourges" [Psalm 38:17]. Quite a magnificent expression; as if He were saying, "It was even for this that I was born; that I might suffer." For He was not to be born, but from Adam, to whom the scourge is due. But sinners are in this life sometimes not scourged at all, or are scourged less than their deserts: because the wickedness of their heart is given over as already desperate. Those, however, for whom eternal life is prepared, must needs be scourged in this life: for that sentence is true: "My son, faint not under the chastening of the Lord, neither be weary when you are rebuked of Him." [Proverbs 3:11] "For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives." [Hebrews 12:6] Let not mine enemies therefore insult over me; let "them not magnify themselves;" and if my Father scourges me, "I am prepared for the scourge;" because there is an inheritance in store for me. You will not submit to the scourge: the inheritance is not bestowed upon you. For "every son" must needs be scourged. So true it is that "every son" is scourged, that He spared not even Him who had no sin. For "I am prepared for the scourges."

"And my sorrow is continually before me." What "sorrow" is that? Perhaps, a sorrow for my scourge. And, in good truth, my brethren, in good truth, let me say unto you, men do mourn for their scourges, not for the causes on account of which they are scourged. Not such was the person here. Listen, my brethren: If any person suffers any loss, he is more ready to say, "I did not deserve to suffer it," than to consider why he suffered it, mourning the loss of money, not mourning over that of righteousness. If you have sinned, mourn for the loss of your inward treasure. You have nothing in your house, but perhaps you are still more empty in heart; but if your heart is full of its Good, even your God, why do you not say, "The Lord gave, the Lord has taken away; as it pleased the Lord was it done. Blessed be the Name of the Lord." [Job 1:21] Whence then was it that He was grieving? Was it for the "scourging" wherewith He was scourged? God forbid. "And my sorrow" (says He) "is continually before me." And as if we were to say, "What sorrow? Whence comes that sorrow?" he says: "For I declare mine iniquity; and I will have a care for my sin" [Psalm 38:18]. See here the reason for the sorrow! It is not a sorrow occasioned by the scourge; not one for the remedy, not for the wound. For the scourge is a remedy against sins. Hear, brethren; We are Christians, and yet if any one's son dies, he mourns for him but does not mourn for him if he sins. It is then, when he sees him sinning, that he ought to make mourning for him, to lament over him. It is then he should restrain him, and give him a rule to live by; should impose a discipline upon him: or if he has done so, and the other has not taken heed, then was the time when he ought to have been mourned over; then he was more fatally dead while living in luxury, than when, by death, he brought his luxury to its close: at that time, when he was doing such things in your house, he was not only "dead, but he stank also." [John 11:39] These things were worthy to be lamented, the others were such as might well be endured; those, I say, were tolerable, these worthy to be mourned over. They were to be mourned over in the same way that you have heard this person mourn over them: "For I declare mine iniquity. I will have a care for my sin." Be not free from anxiety when you have confessed your sin, as if always able to confess your sin, and to commit it again. Do thou "declare your iniquity in such a manner, as to have a care for your sin." What is meant by "having a care of your sin"? To have a care of your wound. If you were to say, "I will have a care of my wound," what would be meant by it, but I will do my endeavour to have it healed. For this is "to have a care for one's sin," to be ever struggling, ever endeavouring, ever exerting one's self, earnestly and zealously, to heal one's wound. Behold! You are from day to day mourning over your sins; but perhaps your tears indeed flow, but your hands are unemployed. Do alms, redeem your sins, let the poor rejoice of your bounty, that you also may rejoice of the Grace of God. He is in want; so are you in want also: he is in want at your hands; so are you also in want at God's hand. Do you despise one who needs your aid; and shall God not despise you when you need His? Do thou therefore supply the needs of him who is in want of your aid; that God may supply your needs within. This is the meaning of, "I will have a care for my sin." I will do all that ought to be done, to blot out and to heal my sin. "And I will have a care for my sin."

"But mine enemies live" [Psalm 38:19]. They are well off: they rejoice in worldly prosperity, while I am suffering, and "roaring with the groaning of my heart." In what way do His enemies "live," in that He has said of them already, that they have "spoken vanity"? Hear in another Psalm also: "Whose sons are as young plants; firmly rooted." But above He had said, "Whose mouth speaks vanity. Their daughters polished after the similitude of a temple: their garners full bursting forth more and more; their cattle fat, their sheep fruitful, multiplying in their streets; no hedge falling into ruin; no cry in their streets." "Mine enemies" then "live." This is their life; this life they praise; this they set their hearts upon: this they hold fast to their own ruin. For what follows? They pronounce "the people that is in such a case" blessed. But what do you say, who "hast a care for your sin"? What do you say, who "confessest your iniquity"? He says, "Blessed is the people whose God is the Lord."

"But mine enemies live, and are strengthened against me, and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied." What is "hate me wrongfully"? They hate me, who wish their good, whereas were they simply requiting evil for evil, they would not be righteous; were they not to requite with good the good done to them, they would be ungrateful: they, however, who "hate wrongfully," actually return evil for good. Such were the Jews; Christ came unto them with good things; they requited Him evil for good. Beware, brethren, of this evil; it soon steals upon us. Let no one of you think himself to be far removed from the danger, because we said, "Such were the Jews." Should a brother, wishing your good, rebuke you, and you hate him, you are like them. And observe, how easily, how soon it is produced; and avoid an evil so great, a sin so easily committed.

"They also that render evil for good, were speaking evil of me, because I have pursued the thing that is just" [Psalm 38:20]. Therefore was it that I was requited evil for good. What is meant by "pursued after the thing that is just"? Not forsaken it. That you might not always understand persecutio in a bad sense, He means by persecutus pursued after, thoroughly followed. "Because I have followed the thing that is just." Hear also our Head crying with a lamentable voice in His Passion: "And they cast Me forth, Your Darling, even as a dead man in abomination." Was it not enough that He was "dead"? Wherefore "in abomination" also? Because He was crucified. For this death of the Cross was a great abomination in their eyes, as they did not perceive that it was spoken in prophecy, "Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree." [Deuteronomy 21:23] For He did not Himself bring death; but He found it here, propagated from the curse of the first man; and this same death of ours, which had originated in sin, He had taken upon Himself, and hung on the Tree. Lest therefore some persons should think (as some of the Heretics think), that our Lord Jesus Christ had only a false body of flesh; and that the death by which He made satisfaction on the Cross was not a real death, the Prophet notices this, and says, "Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree." He shows then that the Son of God died a true death, the death which was due to mortal flesh: lest if He were not "accursed," you should think that He had not truly died. But since that death was not an illusion, but had descended from that original stock, which had been derived from the curse, when He said, "You shall surely die:" [Genesis 2:17] and since a true death assuredly extended even to Him, that a true life might extend itself to us, the curse of death also did extend to Him, that the blessing of life might extend even unto us. "And they cast Me forth, Your Darling, even as a dead man in abomination."

"Forsake me not, O Lord; O my God, depart not from me" [Psalm 38:21]. Let us speak in Him, let us speak through Him (for He Himself intercedes for us), and let us say, "Forsake me not, O Lord my God." And yet He had said, "My God! My God! Why have You forsaken Me?" [Matthew 27:46] and He now says, "O My God, depart not from Me." If He does not forsake the body, did He forsake the Head? Whose words then are these but the First Man's? To show then that He carried about Him a true body of flesh derived from him, He says, "My God, My God why have You forsaken Me?" God had not forsaken Him. If He does not forsake You, who believest in Him, could the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, One God, forsake Christ? But He had transferred to Himself the person of the First Man. We know by the words of an Apostle, that "our old man is crucified with Him." [Romans 6:6] We should not, however, be divested of our old nature, had He not been crucified "in weakness." For it was to this end that He came that we may be renewed in Him, because it is by aspiration after Him, and by following the example of His suffering, that we are renewed. Therefore that was the cry of infirmity; that cry, I mean, in which it was said, "Why have You forsaken Me?" Thence was it said in that passage above, "the words of mine offenses." As if He were saying, These words are transferred to My Person from that of the sinner.

"Depart not from me. Make haste to help me, Lord of my salvation" [Psalm 38:22]. This is that very "salvation," Brethren, concerning which, as the Apostle Peter says, "Prophets have enquired diligently," [1 Peter 1:10] and though they have enquired diligently, yet have not found it. But they searched into it, and foretold of it; while we have come and have found what they sought for. And see, we ourselves too have not as yet received it; and after us shall others also be born, and shall find, what they also shall not receive, and shall pass away, that we may, all of us together, receive the "penny of salvation in the end of the day," with the Prophets, the Patriarchs, and the Apostles. For you know that the hired servants, or labourers, were taken into the vineyard at different times; yet did they all receive their wages on an equal footing. [Matthew 20:9] Apostles, then, and Prophets, and Martyrs, and ourselves also, and those who will follow us to the end of the world, it is in the End itself that we are to receive everlasting salvation; that beholding the face of God, and contemplating His Glory, we may praise Him for ever, free from imperfection, free from any punishment of iniquity, free from every perversion of sin: praising Him; and no longer longing after Him, but now clinging to Him for whom we used to long to the very end, and in whom we did rejoice, in hope. For we shall be in that City, where God is our Bliss, God is our Light, God is our Bread, God is our Life; whatever good thing of ours there is, at being absent from which we now grieve, we shall find in Him. In Him will be that "rest," which when we "call to remembrance" now, we cannot choose but grieve. For that is the "Sabbath" which we "call to remembrance;" in the recollection of which, so great things have been said already; and so great things ought to be said by us also, and ought never to cease being said by us, not with our lips indeed, but in our heart: for therefore do our lips cease to speak, that we may cry out with our hearts.

"I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue" [Psalm 39:1]....For it is not without reason that the tongue is set in a moist place, but because it is so prone to slip. Perceiving therefore how hard it was for a man to be under the necessity of speaking, and not to say something that he will wish unsaid, and filled with disgust at these sins, he seeks to avoid the like. To this difficulty is he exposed who is seeking to "leap beyond."...Although I have "leaped beyond" the pleasures of earth, although the fleeting passions for things temporal ensnare me not, though now I despise these things below, and am rising up to better things than these, yet in these very better things the satisfaction of knowledge in the sight of God is enough for me. Of what use is it for me to speak what is to be laid hold of, and to give a handle to cavillers? Therefore, "I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue. I keep my mouth with a bridle." Wherefore is this? Is it on account of the religious, the thoughtful, the faithful, the holy ones? God forbid! These persons hear in such a manner, as to praise what they approve; but as for what they disapprove, perhaps, among much that they praise they rather excuse than cavil at it; on account of what persons then do you "take heed to your ways," and place a guard on your lips "that you may not sin with your tongue"? Hear: it is, "While the wicked stands over against me." It is not "by me" that he takes up his station, but "against me." Why?...Even the Lord Himself says, "I have yet many things to say unto you, but you cannot bear them now." [John 16:12] And the Apostle, "I could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal." [1 Corinthians 3:1] Yet not as to persons to be despaired of, but as to those who still required to be nourished. For he goes on to say, "As babes in Christ, I have fed you with milk, and not with meat; for hitherto you were not able." Well, tell it unto us even now. "Neither yet now are you able." [1 Corinthians 3:2] Be not therefore impatient to hear that which as yet you are not capable of; but grow that you may be "able to bear it." It is thus we address the little one, who yet requires to be fed with kindly milk in the bosom of Mother Church, and to be rendered meet for the "strong meat" of the Lord's Table. But what can I say even of that kind to the sinner, who "takes his stand against me," who either thinks or pretends himself capable of what he "cannot bear;" so that when I say anything unto him, and he has failed to comprehend it, he should not suppose that it was not he that had failed to comprehend, but I who had broken down. Therefore because of this sinner, who "takes up his stand against me, I keep my mouth as it were with a bridle."

"I became deaf, and was humbled, I held my peace from good" [Psalm 39:2]. For this person, who is "leaping beyond," suffers some difficulty in a certain stage to which he has already attained; and he desires to advance beyond, even from thence, to avoid this difficulty. I was afraid of committing a sin; so that I spoke not; that I imposed on myself the necessity of silence: for I had spoken thus, "I will take heed to my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue." Whilst I was too much afraid of saying anything wrong, I kept silence from all that is good. For whence could I say good things, except that I heard them? "It is Thou that shall make me to hear of joy and gladness." And the "friend of the bridegroom stands and hears Him, and rejoices on account of the bridegroom's voice," [John 3:29] not his own. That he may speak true things, he hears what he is to say. For it is he that "speaks a lie," that "speaks of his own." [John 8:44] ...When therefore I had "put a bridle," as it were, "on my lips;" and constrained myself to silence, because I saw that everywhere speech was dangerous, then, says he, that came to pass upon me, which I did not wish, "I became deaf, and was humbled;" not humbled myself, but was humbled; "and I held my peace even from good." Whilst afraid of saying any evil, I began to refrain from speaking what is good: and I condemned my determination; for "I was holding my peace even from what is good."

"And my sorrow was stirred up again" [Psalm 39:2]. Inasmuch as I had found in silence a kind of respite from a certain "sorrow," that had been inflicted upon me by those who cavilled at my words, and found fault with me: and that sorrow that was caused by the cavillers, had ceased indeed; but when "I held my peace even from good, my sorrow was stirred up again." I began to be more grieved at having refrained from saying what I ought to have said, than I had before been grieved by having said what I ought not. "And my sorrow was stirred up again."

"And while I was musing, the fire burned" [Psalm 39:3]....I reflected on the words of my Lord, "Thou wicked and slothful servant, you ought to have put My money to the exchangers, and I at My coming should receive it again with usury." [Matthew 25:26-27] And that which follows may God avert from those who are His stewards! Bind him hand and foot, and let him be cast into outer darkness; [Matthew 25:30] the servant, who was not a waster of his master's goods, so as to destroy them, but was slothful in laying them out to improve them. What ought they to expect, who have wasted them in luxury, if they are condemned who through slothfulness have kept them? "As I was musing, the fire burned." And as he was in this state of wavering suspense, between speaking and holding his peace, between those who are prepared to cavil and those who are anxious to be instructed,...in this state of suspense, he prays for a better place, a place different from this his present stewardship, in which man is in such difficulty and in such danger, and sighing after a certain "end," when he was not to be subject to these things, when the Lord is to say to the faithful dispenser, "Enter thou into the joy of your Lord," [Matthew 25:27] he says, "Then spoke I with my tongue." In this fluctuation, in the midst of these dangers and these difficulties, because, that in consequence of the abundance of offenses "the love of many is waxing cold," [Matthew 24:12] although the law of the Lord inspires delight, in this fluctuation then, (I say), "then spoke I with my tongue." To whom? Not to the hearer whom I would fain instruct; but to Him who hears and takes heed also, by whom I would fain be instructed myself. "I spoke with my tongue" to Him, from whom I inwardly hear whatever I hear that is good or true.— What did You say?

"Behold, you have made my days old" [Psalm 39:5]. For these days are "waxing old." I long for new days "that never shall wax old," that I may say, "Old things have passed away; behold, things have become new." [2 Corinthians 5:17] Already new in hope; then in reality. For though, in hope and in faith, made new already, how much do we even now do after our old nature! For we are not so completely "clothed upon" with Christ, as not to bear about with us anything derived from Adam. Observe that Adam is "waxing old" within us, and Christ is being "renewed" in us. "Though our outward man is perishing, yet is our inward man being renewed day by day." [2 Corinthians 4:16] Therefore, while we fix our thoughts on sin, on mortality, on time, that is hastening by, on sorrow, and toil, and labour, on stages of life following each other in succession, and continuing not, passing on insensibly from infancy even to old age; while, I say, we fix our eyes on these things, let us see here "the old man," the "day that is waxing old;" the Song that is out of date; the Old Testament; when however we turn to the inner man, to those things that are to be renewed in place of these which are to be changed, let us find the "new man," the "new day," the "new song," the "New Testament;" and that "newness," let us so love, as to have no fears of its "waxing old."...This man, therefore, who is hasting forward to those things which are new, and "reaching forward to those things which are before," says, "Lord, make me to know mine end, and the number of my days, which really is, that I may know what is wanting unto me." See he still drags with him Adam; and even so he is hasting unto Christ. "Behold," says he, "you have made my days old." It is those days that are derived from Adam, those days, I say, that you have made old. They are waxing old day by day: and so waxing old, as to be at some day or other consumed also. "And my substance is as nothing before You." "Before You, O Lord, my substance is as nothing." "Before You;" who see this; and I too, when I see it, see it only when "before You."

When "before men" I see it not. For what shall I say? What words shall I use to show, that which I now am is nothing in comparison of That which truly " IS"? But it is within that it is said; it is within that it is felt, so far as it is felt. "Before You, O Lord," where Your eyes are; and not where the eyes of men are. And where Your eyes are, what is the state of things? "That which I am is as nothing."

"Albeit man walks in the Image" [Psalm 39:6]. In what "Image," save that of Him who said, "Let Us make man in Our Image, after Our Likeness." [Genesis 1:26] "Albeit man walks in the Image." For the reason he says "albeit," is, that this is some great thing. And this "albeit" is followed by "nevertheless," that the "albeit" which you have already heard, should relate to what is beyond the sun; but this "nevertheless," which is to follow, to what is "under the sun," and that the one should relate to the Truth, the other to "vanity." "Albeit," then, "that man walks in the Image, nevertheless he is disquieted in vain." Hear the cause of his "disquieting," and see if it be not a vain one; that you may trample it under foot, that you may "leap beyond it," and may dwell on high, where that "vanity" is not. What "vanity" is that? "He heaps up riches, and knows not for whom he may be gathering them together." O infatuated vanity! "Blessed is the man that makes the Lord his trust, and has not respected vanities, nor lying deceits." To you indeed, O covetous man, to you I seem to be out of my senses, these words appear to you to be "old wives' tales." For you, a man of great judgment, and of great prudence, to be sure, are daily devising methods of acquiring money, by traffic, by agriculture, by eloquence perhaps, by making yourself learned in the law, by warfare, perhaps you even add that of usury. Like a shrewd man as you are, you leave nothing untried, whereby you may pile coin on coin; and may store it up more carefully in a place of secrecy. You plunder others; you guard against the plunderer; you are afraid lest you should yourself suffer the wrong, that you yourself do; and even what you do suffer, does not correct you....Examine your own heart, and that prudence of yours, which leads you to deride me, to think me out of my senses for saying these things: and tell me now, "You are heaping up treasures; for whom are you gathering them together?" I see what you would tell me; as if what you would say had not occurred to the person described here; you will say, I am keeping them for my children? This is the voice of parental affection; the excuse of injustice. "I am keeping them" (you say) "for my children." So then you are keeping them for your children, are you? Did not Idithun then know this? Assuredly he did; but he reckoned it one of the things of the "old days," that have waxed old, and therefore he despised it: because he was hastening on to the new "days."...

"And now" [Psalm 39:7]. "And now," says this Idithun,— looking back on a certain "vain" show, and looking up to a certain Truth, standing midway where he has something beyond him, and something also behind him, having below him the place from which he took his spring, having above him that toward which he has stretched forth—"And now," when I have "over-leaped" some things, when I have trampled many things under foot, when I am no longer captivated by things temporal; even now, I am not perfect, "I have not yet apprehended." [Philippians 3:13] "For it is by hope that we are saved; but hope that is seen is not hope; for what a man sees, why does he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it." [Romans 8:24-25] Therefore he says: "And now what wait I for? Is it not for the Lord?" He is my expectation, who has given me all those things, that I might despise them. He will give unto me Himself also, even He who is above all, and "by whom all things were made," [Colossians 1:16] and by whom I was made among all; even He, the Lord, is my Expectation! You see Idithun, brethren, you see in what way he waits for Him! Let no man therefore call himself perfect here; he deceives and imposes upon himself; he is beguiling himself, he cannot have perfection here, and what avails it that he should lose humility?...

"And my substance is ever before You." Already advancing, already tending towards Him, and to some extent already beginning to "be," still (he says ) "my substance is ever before You." Now that other substance is also before men. You have gold, silver, slaves, estates, trees, cattle, servants. These things are visible even to men. There is a certain "substance that is ever before You."

"Deliver me from all my transgressions" [Psalm 39:8]. I have "over-leaped" a great deal of ground, a very great deal of ground already; but, "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the Truth is not in us." [1 John 1:8] I have "over-leaped" a great deal: but still do I "beat my breast," and say, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." [Matthew 6:12] Thou therefore art "my expectation!" my "End." For "Christ is the end of the Law unto righteousness, unto every man that believes." [Romans 10:4] From all mine offenses: not only from those, that I may not relapse into those which I have already "over-leaped;" but from all, without exception, of those on account of which I now beat my breast, and say, "Forgive us our debts." "Deliver me from all mine offenses:" me being thus minded, and holding fast what the Apostle said, "As many of us as be perfect, let us be thus minded." [Philippians 3:15] For at the time that he said that he was not "already perfect," he then immediately goes on and says, "As many of us as be perfect, let us be thus minded."...Are you then, O Apostle, not perfect, and are we perfect? But has it escaped you, that he did just now call himself "perfect"? For he does not say, "As many of you as are perfect, be ye thus minded;" but "As many of us as be perfect, let us be thus minded;" after having said a little before, "Not that I have already attained; either am already perfect." In no other way then can you be perfect in this life, than by knowing that you cannot be perfect in this life. This then will be your perfection, so to have "over-leaped" some things, as to have still some point to which you are hastening on: so as to have something remaining, to which you will have to leap on, when everything else has been passed by. It is such faith as this that is secure; for whoever thinks that he has already attained, is "exalting himself," so as to be "abased" hereafter. [Luke 18:14] ...