Children: A Heritage from the Lord
The Bible presents a profound and beautiful truth about children: they are not merely products of human reproduction, but a divine gift and a sacred trust from the Almighty God. From the very beginning, God commanded mankind to "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28), establishing procreation as part of His glorious design. The Psalmist eloquently captures this perspective, declaring:
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
This verse sets the foundational understanding for all biblical parenting. Children are not our possessions to do with as we please, but a heritage, an inheritance, entrusted to us by God. As such, parents are stewards, called to raise these precious souls according to God's will and for His glory. They are likened to "arrows in the hand of a mighty man" (Psalms 127:4), implying that parents are to sharpen, guide, and aim their children towards a life of purpose and righteousness in Christ. The blessing of a quiver full of such arrows is a testament to God's grace and a source of strength for the parents (Psalms 127:5).
The Mandate to Teach and Train
One of the most comprehensive and crucial instructions for biblical parenting is found in Deuteronomy 6. Moses, addressing the Israelites, emphasizes the continuous and intentional teaching of God's commandments to their children. This is not a task reserved for Sunday school or a once-a-week lesson, but an integral part of daily life:
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
This passage highlights the principle of constant immersion in God's Word. Parents are to be the primary educators of their children's faith, integrating biblical truth into every facet of life – morning, noon, and night. It's about modeling faith, discussing spiritual matters naturally, and making God's Word the lens through which the world is viewed. The famous proverb echoes this sentiment:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
The word "train" (Hebrew: chanak) implies dedication, initiation, and disciplined instruction. It's not merely telling but showing, guiding, and instilling habits of righteousness. This training encompasses moral values, wisdom, and understanding of God's character and His plan for humanity. It prepares children for a life of godliness and purpose, equipping them to navigate the world with a firm foundation in Christ.
Discipline: Love in Action
Biblical discipline is often misunderstood in contemporary society, yet it is a cornerstone of God-honoring parenting. The Bible consistently presents discipline as an act of love, essential for a child's character formation and future well-being. It is not about anger or abuse, but about correction, instruction, and guidance that leads to wisdom and righteousness. The book of Proverbs is replete with wisdom regarding discipline:
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
The "rod" here symbolizes authority and correction, not necessarily physical abuse. It represents the necessary means of correction to steer a child away from foolishness and towards wisdom. The absence of such correction is equated with hatred, implying a lack of genuine care for the child's long-term good. Further proverbs reiterate this:
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
This extreme statement underscores the gravity of proper discipline, suggesting it can save a child from destructive paths that lead to spiritual death. Discipline brings honour and wisdom:
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
The goal of discipline is not to break a child's spirit but to bend their will towards God's will, fostering self-control, respect for authority, and a conscience sensitive to sin. It mirrors God's own loving discipline of His children, as described in Hebrews 12, which yields "the peaceable fruit of righteousness" (Hebrews 12:11).
Nurture and Admonition of the Lord
While discipline is crucial, it must be balanced with nurture and encouragement. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, provides a vital directive for fathers, which applies broadly to both parents:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The phrase "provoke not your children to wrath" is a warning against harshness, unreasonable demands, favoritism, or any behavior that might embitter or discourage a child. It implies that discipline should be administered justly, consistently, and with love, never in anger or out of frustration. The parallel passage in Colossians 3:21 reinforces this: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."
Instead, parents are to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Nurture (Greek: paideia) refers to the entire process of education, training, and discipline that shapes character. It includes the teaching of moral principles, the development of skills, and the correction of faults. Admonition (Greek: nouthesia) implies verbal instruction, warning, and encouragement. It's about communicating God's truth, explaining right from wrong, and guiding children through counsel and gentle reproof. This holistic approach ensures that children are not only corrected when they err but also encouraged, loved, and taught God's ways in a positive and constructive manner.
Setting a Godly Example
Children are keen observers, and parents are their primary models. The Bible implicitly and explicitly calls parents to live lives worthy of their calling, knowing that their actions, attitudes, and character will profoundly influence their children. While 1 Timothy 4:12 is directed at Timothy, its principle applies universally: "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." Parents are to embody the faith they teach, living out the love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Titus is also admonished to be "a pattern of good works" (Titus 2:7).
A parent's integrity, faithfulness in marriage, diligence in work, and genuine devotion to God speak louder than any words. Children learn how to respond to adversity, how to forgive, how to serve, and how to trust God by watching their parents. Hypocrisy or inconsistency between what is taught and what is lived can be detrimental to a child's faith journey. Therefore, parents must continually strive to walk humbly with their God, seeking His grace to be living examples of Christlikeness.
The Father's Specific Role
The Bible places a unique emphasis on the father's role in the family. As the spiritual head of the household, the father is called to lead, protect, provide, and shepherd his family in the ways of the Lord. Paul's instruction in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it," directly impacts parenting. A father who loves his wife sacrificially demonstrates to his children what selfless love looks like and provides a secure, loving environment for them to thrive. This love forms the foundation for a healthy family dynamic.
Furthermore, the qualifications for elders and deacons in 1 Timothy 3:4 state that a man must be "one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity." While this is a qualification for church leadership, it underscores the expectation that a man should be able to manage his household effectively, leading his children in order and reverence. A father is responsible for initiating spiritual conversations, leading family worship, praying for his children, and ensuring they are taught God's Word. He is called to be the primary spiritual example and guide, bearing the weight of leadership in raising his children to fear the Lord.
The Mother's Specific Role
While fathers are called to lead, mothers play an indispensable and equally vital role in biblical parenting. The Bible celebrates the mother's nurturing heart, her wisdom, and her profound influence within the home. In Titus 2, older women are instructed to "teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:4-5). This passage highlights the mother's primary responsibility in the home, which includes the loving care and instruction of her children.
A mother often bears the primary responsibility for the daily nurture, emotional well-being, and constant instruction of her children. She teaches practical life skills, instills moral values, and provides a comforting presence. Her love, patience, and consistent guidance are crucial in shaping a child's character and fostering a secure environment. The mother's influence in shaping a child's heart and mind is profound, laying the groundwork for their understanding of love, compassion, and faith. Together, father and mother form a complementary team, each fulfilling their God-given roles to raise godly offspring.
Prayer and Trust in God
Ultimately, biblical parenting is not a self-reliant endeavor but a journey of profound reliance on God's grace and sovereignty. Parents can teach, discipline, and example, but they cannot change a child's heart; only God can do that. Therefore, prayer becomes an indispensable tool for every Christian parent. We are commanded to "be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God" (Philippians 4:6). This certainly extends to our children.
Parents should pray for their children's salvation, for their protection, for wisdom, for their future spouses, and for their walk with God. They should also pray for themselves, seeking God's wisdom, patience, and strength to parent according to His will. Trusting God means acknowledging His ultimate control and believing that He works all things for good to them that love Him (Romans 8:28). While parents are called to be diligent, they must also release the outcome to God, understanding that He is sovereign over the lives of their children. This trust alleviates anxiety and allows parents to rest in God's faithfulness, knowing that He desires the best for their children even more than they do.
Conclusion
The Bible's teachings on parenting are comprehensive, challenging, and profoundly rewarding. They call parents to a high standard, but also offer immense grace and divine assistance. Key principles include:
- Children as a Heritage: Recognizing children as gifts from God, entrusted to our care.
- Diligent Teaching: Consistently immersing children in God's Word and training them in righteousness.
- Loving Discipline: Correcting and guiding children with wisdom and love, for their ultimate good.
- Nurture and Admonition: Balancing correction with encouragement, understanding, and instruction.
- Godly Example: Living out the faith authentically, providing a consistent model for children to follow.
- Distinct Roles: Fathers leading spiritually and mothers nurturing lovingly, in complementary partnership.
- Prayer and Trust: Relying on God's sovereignty and grace through fervent prayer.
Biblical parenting is a lifelong commitment, requiring patience, sacrifice, and an unwavering reliance on the Holy Spirit. It is a sacred calling that, when pursued with faithfulness, yields eternal dividends, raising up a generation that fears the Lord and serves His purposes.