1 Peter 3:3

“Likewise” (homoíōs) ties this passage to what comes just before it. Peter has called all believers to submit to the governing authorities for the Lord’s sake (1 Peter 2:13–17) and servants to be subject to their masters, even the unjust ones, drawing on the example of Christ’s suffering and humble obedience (1 Peter 2:18–25). The same word opens his charge to husbands in verse 7, so one way of living runs through public life, work and home.

The letter is written to believers scattered through Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, whom Peter addresses “as strangers and pilgrims” (1 Peter 2:11). They faced slander and social pressure for their faith, and Peter has urged them to live so honestly among unbelievers that those who speak against them will see their good works and glorify God (1 Peter 2:12). These verses carry that call into marriage.

Households in that day, Jewish and Roman alike, were ordered around the husband. In a Roman home the father of the household, the paterfamilias, held wide authority, and marriage was often a social and economic arrangement. A wife who turned to Christ while her husband kept his own gods could be seen as defying him and shaming the family, and the strain might end in divorce or in her being shut out. Peter’s counsel to such a wife is a steady, respectful and holy life. That life protected her from the charge of undermining her household, and it showed her husband the power of the gospel.

The verb hypotássō means to place or arrange under, and so to submit oneself or to obey. It was used of soldiers set in ordered ranks. In the New Testament it describes the Son’s subjection to the Father at the end of all things (1 Corinthians 15:28), believers’ subjection to the higher powers (Romans 13:1), and believers “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). Since the Son himself is said to be subject, the word speaks of willing order and respect within a relationship, and it leaves the one who submits fully equal in worth.

Peter writes “your own husbands”. The word ídios means one’s own, and with anḗr, husband, it keeps the instruction inside each marriage. Peter is speaking to a wife about the man she married. Paul gives the same teaching: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22–24), and “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). For a Christian wife it means honouring her husband’s headship as part of the order God has given to marriage, freely and out of reverence for Christ.

Peter has a particular wife in mind: one whose husband is among those who “obey not the word”. The words “if any” are eí tis, a plain “if any”, and apeithéō means to disobey or refuse to comply. “The word”, lógos, is the gospel, so these are husbands who have heard it and turned it down, and some of them may be hostile to it. The little word hína (“that”) gives Peter’s purpose: “that... they also may without the word be won”.

“Without the word” uses the preposition áneu, “without”, before the same lógos. A man who has rejected the spoken gospel may be won apart from argument, nagging or preaching, by what he sees in his wife day after day. The verb kerdaínō means to gain or win, and the gain Peter has in view is the husband himself, won for Christ and saved. Peter speaks of this as a hope (“may... be won”), and Paul writes in the same spirit, “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?” (1 Corinthians 7:16). God can use the quiet, steady faithfulness of one spouse to draw the other into his kingdom.

“Whose adorning” uses kósmos in its sense of adornment, the outward decoration of hair, gold and clothing. “Outward” is éxōthen, from outside, and it stands opposite the hidden person of verse 4. Peter names three things. “Plaiting the hair” is emplokḗ, elaborate braiding, “wearing of gold” is períthesis chrysíou, putting gold ornaments on, and “putting on of apparel” is éndysis himatíou, dressing in garments.

Among Greeks and Romans of that time, a woman’s appearance was a mark of her wealth and standing. Wealthy women wore intricate braided hairstyles, sometimes with added hair and ornaments woven in. Gold necklaces, bracelets and rings were worn for display, and costly, brightly coloured clothes showed a family’s means. Peter’s readers knew all this well, and he points them to a beauty that fits their new life in Christ.

“But let it be the hidden man of the heart.” Kryptós means hidden, private, kept out of view. The hidden man of the heart is the inner person, the true self, and in Scripture the heart, kardía, is the centre of mind, will and spiritual life as well as feeling. Other people see it only through what it produces, and God sees it directly. This beauty is “in that which is not corruptible”. Looks fade and possessions wear out, and the beauty of the heart lasts.

The ornament Peter names is “a meek and quiet spirit”. Praÿs, meek, means mild, gentle and humble. It is strength held under control, a spirit that is patient, teachable, yielded to God’s will and considerate of others, and Jesus used the same word of himself: “I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Hēsýchios, quiet, means still, undisturbed and tranquil. It describes a calm and settled heart that trusts God and makes for peace, so it concerns her spirit more than her voice.

This spirit is “in the sight of God of great price”. The word for great price, polytelēs, is used of something very costly. God’s estimate is the one that counts, as the LORD told Samuel: “for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Proverbs says the same of a woman: “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). So the heart is the place to tend: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Peter grounds his teaching in Israel’s history: “after this manner in the old time the holy women also... adorned themselves”. The way of life he commends is an old one, practised by the godly women of the Old Testament. Their mark was that they “trusted in God”. The verb elpízō means to hope, expect or trust, and here its object is God. Their hope rested on him, and their conduct came out of that hope.

“Adorned themselves” is kosméō, to put in order or to decorate, a word also used of trimming a lamp’s wick. It is the verb of the noun in verse 3, so the holy women did adorn themselves, with the inner beauty of a godly life. They did it “being in subjection unto their own husbands”, the same hypotássō as verse 1. Their respect for their husbands was part of their beauty and one of the clearest ways their trust in God showed.

Sarah is Peter’s chief example: “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord”. Hypakoúō, obeyed, is built from words for “under” and “hear”, and it means to listen and so to heed. Kýrios, lord, is a title of authority and respect. Peter draws it from Genesis 18:12, where Sarah, hearing that she would bear a son in old age, laughed within herself and said, “my lord being old also”. The title came out of her own private thoughts, which shows how deeply she honoured her husband. Scripture also remembers her faith: “Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed” (Hebrews 11:11).

“Whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well.” Christian women become Sarah’s daughters in a spiritual line, by sharing her faith and conduct. The condition is to “do well”, to keep on doing good, so this daughterhood shows in an ongoing life of right action.

“And are not afraid with any amazement.” Ptóēsis means alarm, fright or panic, the state of being startled and terrified. A believing wife with an unbelieving husband had real reasons to be afraid, and Peter calls her to a courage rooted in trust, so that she can act with composure and faith whatever comes. The same courage belongs to every believer: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Peter now turns to husbands with “likewise”, homoíōs, giving them a matching set of duties of their own. They are to “dwell with” their wives, synoikéō, to live together and share a life. They are to do it “according to knowledge”, katá gnōsis. The word gnōsis means knowing or knowledge, and here it is practical understanding. A husband is to learn his wife’s nature, her needs, her weaknesses and her walk with God, and to let what he learns shape how he treats her.

He is to give her honour. The verb aponémō means to assign or render what is due, and timḗ is honour, value and esteem. A husband is to give his wife the high regard that belongs to her.

Everything Peter asks of wives and husbands is first seen in Christ. He “made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:7), and “became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 2:8). That humble obedience led to his exaltation (Philippians 2:5–11), and Paul puts it before us as the mind we are to share (Philippians 2:3–8). His life was the perfectly chaste conversation, for he “was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15), and his reverence for the Father held even in Gethsemane: “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42).

He is the meek and quiet spirit in person. He came as the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world (John 1:29), and when he was oppressed and afflicted he stayed calm before his accusers (Isaiah 53:7). He was wounded for our transgressions, and his suffering brought salvation to many (Isaiah 53:5). His glory lay in his character and in his death for us, full of grace and truth (John 1:14), and he was “crowned with glory and honour” for the suffering of death (Hebrews 2:9). The psalm says of the King, “Thou art fairer than the children of men” (Psalm 45:2), and his beauty was the beauty of grace.

So the adorning that matters most is Christ himself. Believers have “put on Christ” (Galatians 3:27), and he lives in them (Galatians 2:20), forming in them the fruit of the Spirit. The church, his bride, is made ready in fine linen, which is the righteousness of the saints (Revelation 19:7–8). Her subjection to him answers his headship and his love, for he gave himself for her to make her holy (Ephesians 5:23–27). A wife who honours her husband and a husband who gives himself for his wife are both following him, as Paul says: “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us” (Ephesians 5:1–2).

A wife whose husband does not share her faith can take heart from these verses. God sees the hidden life she lives before him, he prizes her meek and quiet spirit, and he can use her patience, purity and respect to win the man she loves. She can pray and trust, and she need not live in panic, because her hope is in God as Sarah’s was.

Every believer is watched by someone, at home, at work and among friends, and our conduct speaks before our words do. A heart adorned with gentleness, humility and reverence for God is worth more in his sight than anything we can buy or wear.

A Christian husband is called to know his wife and to honour her, to treat her with tenderness and to remember that she is his fellow heir of every grace God gives. His home and his prayers are bound together, so caring well for his wife belongs to his walk with God. In this way the most intimate bond of our lives becomes a place where the grace of Christ is seen.