Understanding the Nuances of Love in God's Word
The English language often uses the single word "love" to describe a vast array of emotions, affections, and commitments. We "love" our spouse, our children, our friends, our favorite food, and even a particular hobby, all with the same term. However, the original Greek language of the New Testament, from which much of our understanding of Christian love is derived, provides a richer, more precise vocabulary. This linguistic depth allows us to grasp the multifaceted nature of love as God intended it. By examining three primary Greek words—Agape, Phileo, and Eros—we can gain a profound understanding of the different kinds of love described and commanded in the Bible, illuminating God's character and His design for human relationships.
Agape: The Divine, Unconditional Love
Agape is arguably the most significant and frequently discussed type of love in Christian theology. It is a love that is not based on emotion, feeling, or attraction, but rather on a deliberate choice, an act of the will, and an unconditional commitment. Agape love is self-sacrificing, always seeking the highest good of the beloved, regardless of their worthiness or reciprocation. It is the very essence of God's character.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
This verse perfectly encapsulates agape: God's love for humanity was not based on our merit, but on His benevolent will, leading Him to give His most precious possession, His Son. Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross is the ultimate demonstration of agape love. He laid down His life for us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8).
Believers are commanded to love with agape, reflecting God's nature. This love is not merely a warm feeling but a conscious decision to act in the best interest of others, even our enemies (Matthew 5:44). The Apostle Paul eloquently describes the characteristics of agape love in 1 Corinthians 13, often called the "love chapter":
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Here, "charity" is the KJV translation of agape. It is a love that endures, forgives, protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. It is the "more excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31) and the greatest of all virtues (1 Corinthians 13:13). Agape love is also listed as the first fruit of the Spirit, indicating its foundational importance in the life of a believer (Galatians 5:22).
Phileo: The Brotherly, Affectionate Love
Phileo refers to a warm, affectionate love, often translated as "brotherly love" or "friendship." It is a love based on shared experiences, common interests, companionship, and mutual fondness. Unlike agape, phileo love is typically reciprocal; it thrives on receiving as well as giving. It is the kind of love that exists between close friends, family members, and fellow believers who share a bond of fellowship.
The city of Philadelphia, meaning "city of brotherly love," derives its name from this Greek word. The Bible frequently encourages phileo love among Christians:
Let brotherly love continue.
This kind of love is essential for Christian community, fostering unity, support, and genuine affection within the body of Christ. It is the love for one's "neighbour" in a more personal, relational sense. Jesus Himself displayed phileo love for His friends, such as Lazarus:
Therefore the sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
The interaction between Jesus and Peter in John 21:15-17 famously highlights the distinction between agape and phileo. Jesus asks Peter, "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?" (using agape). Peter replies, "Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee" (using phileo). This exchange, repeated three times, suggests that while Peter had a deep affection and friendship for Jesus (phileo), he had not yet fully grasped or committed to the unconditional, self-sacrificing love (agape) that Jesus embodied and called for. By the third question, Jesus uses phileo, perhaps meeting Peter where he was, or perhaps signifying that Peter's affection was a valid, though not ultimate, form of love. Ultimately, through the Holy Spirit, Peter would grow into a profound agape love for Christ and His sheep.
Eros: The Romantic, Passionate Love
The Greek word Eros refers to passionate, romantic, often sexual love. While the word "eros" itself does not appear in the King James Version of the New Testament (or any New Testament manuscripts), the concept of romantic and sexual love is certainly present and celebrated within the biblical narrative, particularly within the sanctity of marriage. It is a powerful, intense, and often desirable form of love that seeks intimacy, union, and pleasure with the beloved.
The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament is a prime example of biblical literature that openly and beautifully expresses eros love between a husband and wife. It describes the mutual admiration, desire, and physical intimacy shared within the marital covenant. God created humanity as male and female, and He ordained marriage as the proper context for this unique and powerful form of love:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Proverbs also speaks to the joy and satisfaction found in marital intimacy:
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Eros, when exercised within the bounds of a covenant marriage, is a good and sacred gift from God, designed for procreation, pleasure, and profound intimacy between a husband and wife. However, when eros is pursued outside of God's design, it becomes corrupted, leading to lust, exploitation, and brokenness, as seen in various warnings against sexual immorality throughout scripture.
Conclusion: A Tapestry of Love
Understanding Agape, Phileo, and Eros provides a richer, more accurate lens through which to read the Bible and live out our faith. These three forms of love are not mutually exclusive but rather complementary, forming a beautiful tapestry of human and divine relationships.
- Agape is the overarching, foundational love that originates from God. It is the unconditional, self-sacrificing love that empowers believers to love God and their neighbor, even their enemies, as Christ loved them. It is a choice of the will, sustained by the Holy Spirit, and it defines the very nature of God.
- Phileo is the vital glue of community and friendship. It is the affectionate, brotherly love that binds believers together in fellowship, mutual support, and shared experiences. It fosters warmth, companionship, and genuine care within families and the church.
- Eros is the passionate, romantic love uniquely designed for the covenant of marriage. It celebrates intimacy, desire, and the profound union between a husband and wife, reflecting God's design for procreation and joyous companionship within its proper, sacred context.
As followers of Christ, we are called to embody all these forms of love appropriately. We are to be rooted in God's agape, allowing it to transform our hearts and guide our actions. From this foundation, we cultivate phileo love with our brethren, building strong, supportive communities. And for those called to marriage, we cherish and nurture eros love within its sacred bounds. By understanding and living out these distinct yet interconnected dimensions of love, we can more fully reflect the character of God and bring glory to His name.