What is Love (Agape, Phileo, Eros)?
Love is arguably the most profound and central theme throughout the Holy Scriptures. It is the very essence of God, the foundation of His law, and the ultimate calling for humanity. Yet, the single English word "love" often falls short of capturing the rich, multifaceted meaning conveyed by the original Greek language of the New Testament. To truly grasp the biblical understanding of love, it is essential to explore the distinct nuances of three primary Greek words translated as "love": agape, phileo, and eros. Each term illuminates a different aspect of this divine attribute and human experience, guiding believers to a more complete and Christ-like expression of affection.
Agape: The God-Kind of Love
Agape is often considered the highest and most profound form of love in the New Testament. It is a divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing love that is not based on emotion or sentimentality, but on an act of the will and a commitment to the well-being of others. Agape is the love that God has for humanity, and the love He commands His followers to demonstrate. It is characterized by benevolence, goodwill, and an active pursuit of the good of the beloved, regardless of their worthiness or reciprocation.
The apostle Paul provides the most comprehensive description of agape love in his epistle to the Corinthians, outlining its characteristics:
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
This passage, though using the KJV term "charity," undeniably describes agape. It is patient, kind, humble, selfless, forgiving, and enduring. This is the love that God demonstrated when He sent His Son:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
God's agape love is not contingent upon our goodness, but was shown "while we were yet sinners" (Romans 5:8). Jesus Christ perfectly embodied agape, laying down His life for His friends (John 15:13) and even His enemies. Believers are commanded to love one another with this same agape love, making it the distinguishing mark of true discipleship:
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
Agape is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) and is presented as "the bond of perfectness" (Colossians 3:14). It is the supreme virtue that empowers all other virtues.
Phileo: Brotherly Affection and Friendship
Phileo refers to a warm, affectionate love, often translated as "brotherly love" or "friendship." It is a reciprocal love based on shared experiences, common interests, and mutual affection. While not as unconditional as agape, phileo is vital for healthy relationships within the Christian community and beyond. It describes the bond between friends, family members, and fellow believers.
The city name "Philadelphia" literally means "city of brotherly love," deriving from phileo and adelphos (brother). The Bible encourages believers to cultivate phileo love:
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Peter also exhorts believers to "love one another with a pure heart fervently" (1 Peter 1:22), using a form of phileo. This love manifests in hospitality, companionship, and genuine care for one another's well-being. It is the natural fondness that develops between people who share a common faith and purpose.
A notable instance where the distinction between agape and phileo is often discussed is in Jesus' post-resurrection conversation with Peter in John 21:15-17. Jesus asks Peter three times if he "loves" Him. The first two times, Jesus uses agape, asking if Peter loves Him with a divine, unconditional love. Peter, perhaps humbled by his recent denial, responds with phileo, indicating a deep affection and friendship. The third time, Jesus accommodates Peter, using phileo in His question, to which Peter again responds with phileo. This interaction highlights that while phileo is good and necessary, agape represents a deeper, more committed form of love, which Peter was still learning to fully embrace.
Eros: Romantic and Marital Love
The Greek word eros signifies passionate, romantic, and often sensual love. While the term eros itself does not appear in the King James Version of the Bible, the concept of romantic love is clearly present and celebrated within its proper context. Eros, in its pure form, is the intense desire and longing between a man and a woman, designed by God to draw them together in the covenant of marriage.
The Song of Solomon is a poetic book dedicated entirely to the expression of eros love within the bounds of courtship and marriage. It celebrates the physical and emotional intimacy between a husband and wife, affirming that sexual love within marriage is beautiful and divinely ordained:
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
The New Testament affirms the sanctity of marriage and the intimacy within it: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). While Paul often uses agape when speaking of a husband's love for his wife ("Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" - Ephesians 5:25), this agape love provides the foundation and framework for a healthy eros. Agape ensures that the passionate desire of eros is not selfish or fleeting, but is characterized by commitment, sacrifice, and a desire for the spouse's ultimate good. Without agape, eros can become self-serving, leading to lust and exploitation. Within marriage, however, eros is a powerful, God-given force for unity, procreation, and profound joy.
The Interplay and Hierarchy of Loves
Understanding these three forms of love is not about compartmentalizing them, but recognizing their distinct yet interconnected roles. Agape is the supreme love, the standard by which all other forms of love are measured and purified. It is the love that enables us to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44), to forgive those who wrong us, and to seek the good of others even when it costs us dearly. It is the love that flows from God and is poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
Phileo, or brotherly love, is a natural and essential expression of Christian community. It adds warmth, intimacy, and mutual affection to our relationships with fellow believers and friends. When phileo is rooted in agape, it becomes selfless, patient, and truly supportive, rather than superficial or conditional. It allows us to genuinely enjoy and cherish the fellowship of others.
Eros, romantic love, is a powerful and beautiful gift from God, designed for the marital covenant. When eros is sanctified by agape, it transcends mere physical attraction and becomes a deep, committed bond that reflects the sacrificial love of Christ for His church. Agape ensures that the passion of eros is expressed in fidelity, respect, and a lifelong commitment to the spouse's well-being, both physically and spiritually.
In essence, agape provides the framework and motivation for all other loves. We are called to exercise agape in all our relationships, which then elevates and purifies our phileo (friendship) and grounds our eros (romantic love) within the sacred bond of marriage. Without agape, phileo can become cliquish or conditional, and eros can devolve into lust and self-gratification.
Conclusion: Loving with a Biblical Understanding
The English word "love" is a broad umbrella, but the Greek terms agape, phileo, and eros reveal the nuanced beauty of divine and human affection. Agape is the unconditional, self-sacrificial love of God, which we are called to emulate. Phileo is the warm, affectionate brotherly love that fosters community and genuine friendship. Eros is the passionate, romantic love designed for the exclusive covenant of marriage. While distinct, these loves are not mutually exclusive; rather, they are meant to interweave, with agape serving as the foundational and transformative force.
To love biblically is to understand these distinctions and to strive for the highest form of love—agape—in all our interactions. It means cultivating a love that is patient, kind, humble, selfless, and enduring. It means cherishing our brethren with genuine affection and honoring the sanctity of marital love within its proper bounds. May we all strive to love as Christ loved, for "God is love" (1 John 4:8), and by His Spirit, we are enabled to walk in love, "as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour" (Ephesians 5:2).